1 00:00:40,107 --> 00:00:44,211 This is a story of life and death. 2 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,179 Specifically, one life and one death. 3 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,286 More specifically, mine. 4 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:01,328 My name is Sid Sandagger, and I have figured out 5 00:01:01,361 --> 00:01:03,497 the key to a long and happy life. 6 00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:08,803 It's quite simple. Don't mess with the system. Think about it. 7 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:11,673 Every awful thing that happens to someone in their life, 8 00:01:11,706 --> 00:01:14,207 it can be chalked up to them ripping at the fabric 9 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,512 of the social continuum. So don't. 10 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,279 There's a natural order to things in life, 11 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,949 and it is not to be reckoned with. 12 00:01:20,982 --> 00:01:22,550 And nowhere is that more important 13 00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:25,853 than the one environment more strict, 14 00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,221 more brutal, and more savage 15 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:31,025 than all of the rest-- high school. 16 00:01:31,059 --> 00:01:35,697 Luckily, I've developed three simple rules to ensure survival. 17 00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:39,601 Rule number one? Shut up. 18 00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:41,069 Most people don't get beaten up 19 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,103 for what they don't say. 20 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:47,842 Rule number two, don't stand out. 21 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:52,245 This applies to everything, from what you wear, to who your friends are, 22 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,782 to what extra-curriculars you're a part of. 23 00:01:54,816 --> 00:01:59,053 I have mastered the art of the nondescript extra-curricular. 24 00:01:59,087 --> 00:02:01,556 For example, I'm comptroller 25 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,625 for the Eastland High student council, 26 00:02:03,658 --> 00:02:07,127 understudy for the school play... 27 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,831 ♪ You make me alive ♪ 28 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:12,934 ...equipment manager for the hockey team... 29 00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,736 Hey, yo. Incoming! 30 00:02:14,769 --> 00:02:18,271 ...and starter for the Eastland e-sports team. 31 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,675 E-sports, need I say more? 32 00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:24,545 Midnight tonight, boys. You excited, Cunningham? 33 00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:27,447 I hacked into my parents' internet account to upgrade our speed. 34 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:31,653 - Sweet. - Also, I think my parents are getting divorced. 35 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:41,129 And finally, the third and most important rule. 36 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:45,133 Don't fuck with Chuck. 37 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,935 Chuck Brawnte, him and his stupid friends 38 00:02:47,969 --> 00:02:50,605 have a few thousand subscribers to their YouTube channel, 39 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,141 which, believe it or not, people actually give a shit about. 40 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,942 Whoo! Fuck you, window! 41 00:02:54,976 --> 00:02:57,411 But the real reason everybody knows who Chuck Brawnte is... 42 00:02:57,444 --> 00:03:00,148 - Are you boys okay over here? - Pussy bitch! 43 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,083 ...is because he is super violent. 44 00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:04,217 - Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go. - Here's the big one. 45 00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:06,120 Chuck got kicked out of his old school 46 00:03:06,154 --> 00:03:08,823 for beating a freshmen nearly to death. 47 00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:11,458 The kid is still in a coma. Now I'm not a lawyer, 48 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,594 but allow me to present these three facts. 49 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:18,432 One, Chuck got off with a few hours of community service. 50 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:20,635 Two, Chuck's dad is super rich 51 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,805 because he owns all the Mercedes dealerships in upstate New York. 52 00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:27,175 And three, the judge hearing Chuck's case 53 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,644 now drives a top of the line Mercedes Benz. 54 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,212 Get the picture? 55 00:03:40,922 --> 00:03:41,889 Fuh... 56 00:03:41,923 --> 00:03:43,524 Well, there you have it, 57 00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:48,196 Sid Sandagger's Guide to Life. 58 00:04:12,153 --> 00:04:16,991 - I'm putting Todd at your parents' table. - Oh, he gives my dad anxiety. 59 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,392 And your dad's a Republican, and you're marrying a woman, 60 00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:22,864 - so already kinda anxious. - Fair point. 61 00:04:22,897 --> 00:04:24,932 - Hey! - Hey. 62 00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:31,806 How was school? 63 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,543 To me that said, "Fuck off, Moms, but I love you." 64 00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:39,914 - No. - If he was half-Korean, this would not be happening. 65 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:44,652 School was great. I woke up, I went to class, and then I came home. 66 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,220 It was perfectly predictable, 67 00:04:46,254 --> 00:04:48,723 which is perfectly acceptable. 68 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,259 As long as I stick to my rules, 69 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,927 much like my internet search history, 70 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,262 high school will be a filthy, 71 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,964 nasty, amoral blip on my radar 72 00:04:56,998 --> 00:05:01,068 that someday will never have even happened. 73 00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:04,105 Life is about embracing routine. 74 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,606 - Oh. - Eat, sleep, play. 75 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,374 It's gonna be a good night. 76 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,877 That is, of course, except when a new edition 77 00:05:09,911 --> 00:05:12,079 of War Monger comes out. 78 00:05:12,113 --> 00:05:14,048 It's a sacred night. 79 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,448 And on this night, 80 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,285 you don't eat, you don't sleep, 81 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,287 and you sit at your altar for hours on end 82 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,955 just praying to stay alive. 83 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,693 It's pure heaven. 84 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,734 Then the semen travels through the vas deferens, 85 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:36,938 out the urethra, and hopefully into the vagina 86 00:05:36,971 --> 00:05:39,140 of someone you're not just using for sex 87 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:40,308 and that you're willing to stick around 88 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,009 and raise the baby with. 89 00:05:43,845 --> 00:05:45,146 Or into an anus. 90 00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,614 Any questions? 91 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,482 Oh, my God, dude. Sex Ed is such bullshit. 92 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,785 Like, I don't understand 93 00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,620 why we spend so much time on condoms. 94 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,622 What is there to know? You open the shit up, 95 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,023 you stick your junk in it, and you go to town on somebody. 96 00:05:56,057 --> 00:05:57,525 My best friend Jim Vega. 97 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,327 Jim cares about two things, 98 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,494 getting laid and being popular, 99 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,531 and so far he's achieved neither. 100 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,333 Do they seriously think dudes are, like, 101 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,434 sticking their balls in it or something? 102 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:11,205 You'd be surprised. What do you want them to teach? 103 00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:12,640 - Like, I don't know. - Heads up! 104 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,642 Why don't they teach us how to fuck awesome? 105 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:17,511 'Cause it's Sex Ed. It's not sex class. 106 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,680 Yeah, but what's the difference? And unlike trigonometry, 107 00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:22,350 this would be, like, practical, applicable knowledge. 108 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,019 Just talk to the school board about it, man. 109 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:28,189 - Wait, you-- you think so? - Yeah, why not? 110 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,524 You go to the school board and you say, 111 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,793 "Ladies and gentlemen, I would like my teachers 112 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,896 - to teach me how to fuck awesome." - I'm serious. 113 00:06:34,929 --> 00:06:36,831 Like, how do you find the clitoris during over the pants sex stuff? 114 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:40,368 Can you not say fucking "clitoris" in the hallway? 115 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,503 You see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. 116 00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,539 Everyone is so horny that yelling "clit" in the hall 117 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,440 is like yelling fire in a theater. 118 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,810 Yeah, and you don't yell fire in a fucking theater. 119 00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:54,582 Regardless, the clitoris is at the top of the labia minora. 120 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,218 That sophomore with the cleft lip? 121 00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,220 No, that's Lydia Mindlin. 122 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,022 Yo, Rafi! What's up, man? 123 00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:02,489 - How you doing? How was that test? - Who are you? 124 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,960 All right. Rafi's the best. 125 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:08,562 - You really shouldn't do that. - Why? Rafi's my homie. 126 00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,197 Rafi's not your fucking homie. 127 00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:12,667 He just tolerates you because you let him cheat off you once. 128 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,235 You're just jealous 'cause I'm popular. 129 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,237 - You're not fucking popular, - Okay. 130 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,772 - And that's a blessing. - Oh, come on. 131 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:18,940 Don't start with your whole 132 00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,875 "don't mess with the system" bullshit. 133 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:23,411 - You're just afraid to live a little. - I live. 134 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,714 What do you call an all-nighter playing World Of-- 135 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,517 Whoa-ly shit. Tiff Mann. 136 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,720 I don't think I've talked to Tiff Mann since our figure skating recital 137 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,089 when I was eight years old. 138 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,566 I've been in love with her the entire time since, 139 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,669 but it's clear that she didn't exactly 140 00:07:48,703 --> 00:07:50,938 see me as boyfriend material. 141 00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:53,240 I've told you, no sleepovers at boys' houses. 142 00:07:53,274 --> 00:07:55,743 But, Mom, it's just Sid's. 143 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,211 Come to think of it, neither did her mom. 144 00:07:57,244 --> 00:08:00,414 Oh, that's fine. 145 00:08:00,448 --> 00:08:02,450 Even more fucked up than that, 146 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,452 Tiff Mann is dating Chuck. 147 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:07,621 Yo. 148 00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:08,990 Wanna go to the parking lot right now? 149 00:08:09,023 --> 00:08:10,825 - How was class? - Sucks. 150 00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:13,160 Mr. Ramirez can literally lick my butthole. 151 00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:15,129 Suck a dick, Chuck. 152 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,532 All right, class, let's go! 153 00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:21,669 - Two laps around the field! - Oh, my God. 154 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:26,307 Dude, do you think Juliana Ulrich would be down for a finger in the butt? 155 00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,275 Good speed! Keep it up! 156 00:08:28,309 --> 00:08:30,644 I really don't think girls are as into that as you think they are. 157 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,413 Are you kidding me? It's a second G-spot. 158 00:08:32,446 --> 00:08:34,648 And I'm usually pretty good at telling who would be down. 159 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:37,284 I'm like the Finger In The Butt Whisperer. 160 00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:39,653 You know who probably sticks a bunch of fingers in butts? 161 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,523 - Two more laps! - Chuck. Chuck is the man. 162 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,225 Did you see his latest video? 163 00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,761 He totally wrecked Su-Ming Lee's car with a pogo stick. 164 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:50,297 - Chuck's a fucking monster. - Jim, Jim! Hey. 165 00:08:50,331 --> 00:08:52,500 You haven't told me what color tie you're wearing to homecoming. 166 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,168 That's 'cause I'm not going with you, Luna. 167 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,137 Meet Luna Peralta. 168 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:57,972 Luna and Jim have known each other since they were in diapers, 169 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,341 and have hated each other just as long. 170 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,842 Luna does not hold back. 171 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,811 You think I wanna go with you? 172 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,279 Here's a list of inanimate objects 173 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,148 I would rather take to Homecoming than you, okay? 174 00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,150 Bleach, a bottle of urine, 175 00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:11,520 and rusty nails literally stuck in my hands. 176 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,321 - Glad we're on the same page. - My crazy parents only want me to go with you 177 00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:16,223 'cause they know I'm not gonna come back pregnant. 178 00:09:16,257 --> 00:09:18,859 Great. Not happening. Leave me alone. I have herpes. 179 00:09:18,893 --> 00:09:21,328 You wish you had herpes. That would have to mean someone touched 180 00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:23,330 - your skinny little micro-penis. - It's not skinny. 181 00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:25,399 If anything, girth is my asset and length is my weakness. 182 00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:26,535 - Okay. - So fuck off. 183 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,369 Buddy, nothing is your asset, 184 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:30,539 and being a fuckwad is your weakness. 185 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:32,373 Later, shrimp dick. 186 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,707 - She is so mean. - I know. 187 00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,643 - Sandagger, Vega! - I love it. 188 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:50,491 - Oh, come on, babe. - Hey! Hold it. 189 00:09:50,525 --> 00:09:52,193 - What's up? - Oh. 190 00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:55,863 - Oh. You look awful. - I'm just tired. 191 00:09:55,896 --> 00:10:00,034 - We got an email. A parent-y email. - Yes. 192 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:05,507 Uh, "Please ensure proper Homecoming attire," blah blah blah. 193 00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:10,144 Were you planning on wearing a very short skirt to this dance? 194 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,713 Why is this the first time we're hearing about this Homecoming? 195 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:16,283 - 'Cause I'm not going. - Why not? 196 00:10:16,317 --> 00:10:18,018 Homecoming is a very big deal. 197 00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,920 You get all dressed up, and you wait for some schnook 198 00:10:19,954 --> 00:10:21,889 to pick you up, and you dance at arm's length, 199 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,858 and then you have a fleeting sexual encounter. 200 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,927 - And then you realize that you're a lesbian. - Yes. 201 00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,597 Have you thought about that, Sid? 202 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,364 You might be a lesbian and not even know it. 203 00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,967 - You do like Brandy Carlile. - And going to Maine. 204 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,337 - Mm, the signs are all there. - Come on. 205 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,839 Why aren't you going? 206 00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:43,043 That was a pretty compelling argument. 207 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,145 Come on. 208 00:10:44,178 --> 00:10:46,046 Think about it. 209 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:51,318 You don't want to graduate high school without any memories. 210 00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:54,623 Actually, I have no problem leaving high school without any memories. 211 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,790 I can't imagine any experience good enough 212 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,926 to risk the possibility of a bad one. 213 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,962 It's like why I don't have my driver's license. 214 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,302 And what's so bad about this? 215 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,304 A 72-hour War Monger marathon 216 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,641 is pretty awesome and safe. 217 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,944 Game on, baby. 218 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:20,615 Okay, well, maybe 72 hours isn't entirely safe. 219 00:11:20,649 --> 00:11:25,119 According to Google, there are seven specific signs of sleep deprivation 220 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,221 that all lead to complete madness. 221 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,489 Heads up, Tiny Tim. 222 00:11:28,523 --> 00:11:30,592 Ow. Stupid hemorrhoid. 223 00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,561 Look alive, fuckface. 224 00:11:32,594 --> 00:11:36,830 Oh, God. Dude, slow down. 225 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,567 What happened to no carbs till college? 226 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,835 Symptom number one, you eat a lot. 227 00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,138 - I'm fricking starving. - Oh, pop quiz. 228 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:46,508 Okay, so you're driving home from a party and you can't drive. 229 00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:48,709 What do you take? Uber or Lyft? 230 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,145 Symptom number two, you're indecisive. 231 00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:55,684 - I don't know. - Lyft, 'cause their drivers are super hot. 232 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:57,284 Plus, Uber is for fascists. 233 00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:59,353 Symptom number three, you forget things. 234 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,322 - What are we talking about? - I'm open, I'm open! 235 00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:03,625 Symptom number four? Delayed motor skills. 236 00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:05,192 - Come on, come on. - Go, go, go, go, go! 237 00:12:05,226 --> 00:12:07,928 Symptom number five, your pain receptors are... 238 00:12:07,962 --> 00:12:09,396 - Heads up! - ...diminished. 239 00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:12,800 Sorry! 240 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:17,271 Symptom number six, your senses get all weird. 241 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:21,041 And the final symptom of sleep deprivation 242 00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:24,878 leading to complete madness, you lose your filter. 243 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,447 Suck a dick, Chuck. 244 00:12:28,683 --> 00:12:31,118 What did you just say? 245 00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:38,459 - Come on. - What the fuck did you just say to me? 246 00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:43,565 Um, I said, uh, 247 00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:47,034 I said suck-- suck her lick, Chuck. 248 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:50,137 I want you guys to enjoy kissing each other, 249 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,039 'cause, you know, like, we're not gonna be young forever. 250 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,577 Uh, I didn't say that second part, but I thought it. 251 00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,445 Uh, what I said, uh... 252 00:13:00,414 --> 00:13:03,050 I said, "Suck a dick." 253 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:07,021 Suck a dick, you pogo stick-riding douchebag. 254 00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:09,658 You think everyone's afraid of you? Why? 255 00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:13,193 Because you look like one of those punching bags shaped like a torso? 256 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,600 Jimenez, my good man. 257 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:20,669 I'm not his man. I don't even know who the hell he is. 258 00:13:20,702 --> 00:13:23,337 - We ride. - You remember three rules 259 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,072 to getting through high school alive? 260 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:29,511 Shut up, don't stand out, don't fuck with Chuck? 261 00:13:29,544 --> 00:13:31,912 Well, this is what happens when you break all three 262 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:37,084 of those rules in the exact same moment. 263 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,087 Motherfucker. Tell me another joke. 264 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,489 Tell me another fucking joke. Huh? Was it worth it? 265 00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:45,627 - I really fucking hope it was worth it. - Break it up! 266 00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:48,362 - I'm gonna kill you, kid. I'm gonna fucking kill you. - Ow! 267 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:53,334 - Oh! Oh, oh! - I am going to end your goddamn miserable life. 268 00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:58,906 - Come here, kid. Come here. - The next time I see you, you are fucking dead. 269 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,576 - Get the fuck off me! - Are you okay? 270 00:14:01,609 --> 00:14:03,944 ...fuck off me. God damn it! 271 00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:14,656 This is fucking fantastic. 272 00:14:14,689 --> 00:14:16,290 I've never seen something like this. 273 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:19,293 I mean, terrible-- oh, dude, you're up. 274 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,696 This is a fascinating porn collection. 275 00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:23,464 How long have I been out? 276 00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:26,634 Dude, you've been out for, like, seven hours. Here. 277 00:14:26,668 --> 00:14:29,903 The nurse said that you were gonna sleep for a really long time. 278 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,543 - What about Chuck? - So Luna texted me. 279 00:14:35,577 --> 00:14:38,145 I don't even know how she got through to me because I blocked her number, 280 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,882 but she said that Chuck is only gonna be suspended for 2 1/2 weeks. 281 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,485 - That's it? - Plus anger management counseling. 282 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,421 I have two weeks to live. 283 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,991 2 1/2 weeks actually. So, what? Today's-- 284 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:55,663 Today's Wednesday, so he's suspended until the 25th. 285 00:14:55,697 --> 00:14:58,232 Aw, damn it. That's the day of the Homecoming dance. 286 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,602 It's not like you need another reason not to go. 287 00:15:00,635 --> 00:15:03,872 You all right? Sid? 288 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,272 Dude, what are you thinking about? 289 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,040 - Death. - I'm gonna kill you. 290 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:10,545 I broke my rules, I fucked with the system, 291 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:12,112 and this is what I deserve. 292 00:15:12,146 --> 00:15:14,516 Chuck is gonna kill me, and who's gonna stop him? 293 00:15:14,549 --> 00:15:18,352 Not the police, not the school, not the courts. 294 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,454 No one ever has. 295 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:23,424 Sid, you still awake? 296 00:15:28,563 --> 00:15:33,635 Jim told me you two called out sick from work. 297 00:15:33,668 --> 00:15:35,302 You feeling okay? 298 00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:44,478 Hmm. 299 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,451 Oh, I get it. Boundaries. 300 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,778 This can't be it. This can't be how it ends. 301 00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,078 I've gotta find out where Chuck is 302 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,614 and explain what happened. 303 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:21,048 He'll understand. 304 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,449 Well, obviously this would work a little bit better 305 00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,687 if I had a banana that wasn't quite so ripe. 306 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,421 But I can't find the demo banana, 307 00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:28,656 so I just took this out of my lunch. 308 00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:30,257 Dude, did you hear? 309 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,594 Chuck's parents sent him to some anger management class 310 00:16:32,627 --> 00:16:34,495 during his suspension in, like, Switzerland? 311 00:16:34,529 --> 00:16:35,797 It turns out the Swiss 312 00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:38,265 are masters of not giving a fuck. 313 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:41,603 It sounds dope, and rich, and you can ski there. 314 00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:44,806 - Maybe he'll forgive you. - And inside the condom... 315 00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:47,609 Mm, no, you're probably right. 316 00:16:47,642 --> 00:16:51,044 - He's probably gonna murder you. Sorry, dawg. - All right, question. 317 00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:55,415 What is the only 100% effective method of contraception? 318 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,586 - Butt stuff. - No, that's not it. 319 00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:00,287 - Double condoms. - No. 320 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,789 - Dry humping. - Abstinence. 321 00:17:01,823 --> 00:17:04,224 It's written-- it's literally on the board behind me. 322 00:17:04,258 --> 00:17:07,027 Now, Candace is your student abstinence leader, 323 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,764 so she's agreed to share her experience 324 00:17:09,797 --> 00:17:12,232 or, well, lack thereof. 325 00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:15,235 So, as you guys know, 326 00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:17,137 I have taken the abstinence pledge. 327 00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,973 I'm in Sex Ed, and I'm gonna die a virgin. 328 00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:20,440 What are they gonna write on my tombstone? 329 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,011 "Here lies Sid Sandagger. He shrugged." 330 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,946 What's wrong with me? Was this really my life? 331 00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:26,514 I can't die like this. 332 00:17:26,548 --> 00:17:28,650 Is this why my moms want me to make memories? 333 00:17:28,683 --> 00:17:31,519 In case some psycho with a YouTube channel pounds me to death 334 00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:33,186 on the dance floor at Homecoming 335 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,857 to a Taylor Swift ballad? I'm sick of it! 336 00:17:35,890 --> 00:17:37,025 And this abstinence queen going on 337 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:38,860 and on and on and on 338 00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,828 - and on and-- - Fuck that. 339 00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,062 Sid? 340 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:47,401 - I'm sorry. - Candace, please continue. 341 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,872 I'm sorry that I've wasted so much time in this dumb class. 342 00:17:50,905 --> 00:17:53,206 Excuse me. Sid Sandagger! 343 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,809 Candace, I'm sorry for interrupting you, but come on. 344 00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:57,512 Be honest with yourself. Aren't you tired of lying? 345 00:17:57,545 --> 00:18:02,684 Have you ever dealt with unhealthy, unclean urges 346 00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:04,986 or impure thoughts? 347 00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:07,187 At this very moment. 348 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,324 Do you know what I think about on a daily basis? 349 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,060 It would traumatize you. 350 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,427 And then I search it on the internet, 351 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,729 and it exists and there's porn for it. 352 00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:16,064 That means I'm not alone. 353 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,365 You're probably horny all the time, too! 354 00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:20,735 - Actually-- - It's okay, Candace! 355 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,971 You can admit to flicking it every now and again. 356 00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:26,074 - No one's gonna crucify you. - Dude, I don't know what you're doing, 357 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,743 - but please keep going. - I'm horny. 358 00:18:28,776 --> 00:18:30,410 You are horny! 359 00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,313 Everyone in this room is horny! 360 00:18:33,347 --> 00:18:35,148 Like, what's the big deal? 361 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:38,553 It takes a slight breeze, and I am hard as a rock! 362 00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:39,954 All right, Sandagger, lock it up. 363 00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,388 Come on, Dr. Capanna. 364 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,758 This is Sex Ed, for crying out loud. 365 00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,392 How can you just stand there 366 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,161 and let this girl make us all feel badly 367 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,732 for having completely normal sexual appetites? 368 00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:53,333 - How do you sleep at night? - Yeah, I don't. 369 00:18:54,802 --> 00:18:56,403 I have really bad apnea. 370 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,339 - It's not because of this. - Why? 371 00:18:59,373 --> 00:19:02,577 Why do we all have to pretend 372 00:19:02,610 --> 00:19:04,277 that we don't want to fuck each other 373 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,947 six ways to the weekend? 374 00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,849 We should embrace it! 375 00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:09,282 For crying out loud, 376 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,385 I can see Dave Guggenheim's boner from here. 377 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:14,756 And you know what? I love your boner, Dave. 378 00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:17,525 - Because Dave's boner is in all of us. - Yeah. 379 00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:21,228 - We are all Dave's boner! - Yeah. 380 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:24,932 And I'm not gonna sit here and let you make everyone in this room feel bad 381 00:19:24,966 --> 00:19:28,870 - for having completely normal sexual appetites. - Yeah! 382 00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:33,775 My name is Sidney Sandagger, 383 00:19:33,808 --> 00:19:37,444 and I once put a Sharpie inside of my own butthole. 384 00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:45,419 - I humped a melon. - Okay, Guggenheim! 385 00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:48,221 I cut a hole in it, and I microwaved it, and then I humped it. 386 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,390 Hell yeah, man. That is disgusting. 387 00:19:50,424 --> 00:19:53,326 Okay, don't encourage him. That's a UTI waiting to happen. 388 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,596 I get off to porn of guys doing it with other guys. 389 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,700 - Sit down! - I use my electric toothbrush as a vibrator. 390 00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:00,500 My boyfriend and I are into macrophilia. 391 00:20:00,535 --> 00:20:02,804 I have a reoccurring sex dream about Elizabeth Warren. 392 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:04,939 I have vertical balls! 393 00:20:04,972 --> 00:20:06,674 Oh. 394 00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:09,177 Like, instead of a left one and a right one, 395 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,411 I have an upstairs and a downstairs. 396 00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:13,213 It's like two-thirds a snowman. 397 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,717 It goes pickle, potato, potato, cinnamon doughnut. 398 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,820 That is so hot. 399 00:20:18,853 --> 00:20:20,487 Okay, all right, all right. 400 00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:23,591 Warner, Sandagger, Guggenheim, okay. Oh, God damn it. 401 00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:25,693 - No one's taking home condoms. - Sid, Sid. 402 00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:30,665 Sid, dude! Dude, what the hell was that? 403 00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:33,835 - I don't know. - Dude, that was brilliant! 404 00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:36,369 - Come on! Say something! - I don't know, man. 405 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,972 Dude, that was fucking incredible! 406 00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,174 Like, fuck every other revolutionary that's come before you. 407 00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:43,211 - Like, you are the Messiah. - You are Jesus returning. 408 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,512 Candace should've fucking recognized that. 409 00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:46,413 Like, you are the king-fucking-penis. 410 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,850 Your schlong definitely grew three inches from that. 411 00:20:48,883 --> 00:20:50,852 Whatever it is that made it click for you, 412 00:20:50,885 --> 00:20:52,954 - that's what we gotta tell everyone about. - What? 413 00:20:52,987 --> 00:20:55,388 Oh, my God. Sid, we're gonna get so much pussy from this. 414 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,725 I was so inspired. I feel liberated! 415 00:20:57,759 --> 00:21:00,228 Like, this is how... 416 00:21:03,197 --> 00:21:06,067 Who is this? Hugh Hefner would be so proud of you, 417 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:07,535 may his soul rest in fucking peace. 418 00:21:07,568 --> 00:21:09,402 Like, he would be so happy. 419 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,240 I'm going home and I'm trying that... 420 00:21:16,577 --> 00:21:19,947 - ...like vagina juice. - What's next? 421 00:21:19,981 --> 00:21:22,250 - That's fucking brilliant! - How the hell should I know? 422 00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,584 It's so DIY, and, like... 423 00:21:25,787 --> 00:21:28,589 - I've never really thought about it before. 424 00:21:28,623 --> 00:21:30,258 I mean, I don't think I want to deliver pizzas 425 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,260 with Jim for the rest of my life, 426 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,562 but I'm a senior in high school. 427 00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:36,798 I don't even know what I wanna wear tomorrow. 428 00:21:38,132 --> 00:21:41,368 What if I die, Jim? What if I die? 429 00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:45,273 What are you talk-- Chuck isn't gonna kill you. 430 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:49,277 Dude, he beat a kid nearly to death, 431 00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,745 and he's been beating people ever since. 432 00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:52,980 It's not like he's getting any worse at it. 433 00:21:53,981 --> 00:21:56,416 Oh, God. Two weeks. 434 00:21:58,152 --> 00:21:59,720 What if this is it? 435 00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:02,723 Oh, that is just so sad. 436 00:22:02,757 --> 00:22:05,293 Look, Chuck isn't gonna kill you, dawg. 437 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:08,763 - I'll protect you. - Yeah, sure, you will. 438 00:22:08,796 --> 00:22:11,132 Unless he offers to let you be in one of his fucking videos. 439 00:22:11,165 --> 00:22:13,734 You think he'd ever let me be in one? 440 00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,704 - Fuck you, man. - I'm kidding. 441 00:22:16,737 --> 00:22:21,275 But, like, let's say for a second that Chuck might actually kill you, 442 00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:26,147 which I'll admit is a possibility because he does have a record. 443 00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:28,481 So in this hypothetical world, 444 00:22:28,516 --> 00:22:30,551 then you got two weeks left to live. 445 00:22:30,585 --> 00:22:32,787 What do you wanna do? 446 00:22:37,859 --> 00:22:38,860 That. 447 00:22:39,961 --> 00:22:42,129 Skip rocks? 448 00:22:42,163 --> 00:22:46,000 No, live. 449 00:22:46,033 --> 00:22:48,002 I wanna fucking live. 450 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:50,037 What do you mean? 451 00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:54,441 Sidney, where has that Sharpie been? 452 00:22:56,409 --> 00:23:00,848 Sid, what are you doing? 453 00:23:00,882 --> 00:23:02,884 "Win at some--" 454 00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:04,518 What does that even mean? 455 00:23:04,552 --> 00:23:08,189 I don't know. I have no idea. 456 00:23:08,222 --> 00:23:10,825 But I'm not gonna, like, you know, 457 00:23:10,858 --> 00:23:14,394 get a promotion or start a company 458 00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:17,665 or have a fling with some foreign girl on a train in Europe. 459 00:23:17,698 --> 00:23:20,167 Everything that you do in life, 460 00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:22,937 everything that makes life good, I have to do it right now. 461 00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:27,975 I don't want just some memories. I want all the memories. 462 00:23:30,244 --> 00:23:31,612 "Know real love." 463 00:23:34,081 --> 00:23:35,616 Are you gonna die a virgin? 464 00:23:41,822 --> 00:23:46,060 Yeah! That's my boy! Let's go! 465 00:23:46,093 --> 00:23:48,029 Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 466 00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,472 Dude, that sounds insane. 467 00:24:01,509 --> 00:24:04,946 So you're gonna do all of this in two weeks? 468 00:24:06,614 --> 00:24:09,717 Yeah. What have I got to lose? 469 00:24:14,622 --> 00:24:18,426 Hey! You want some dinner? 470 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:23,331 Stay impenetrably silent if you love your mothers. 471 00:24:23,364 --> 00:24:24,966 Yes! 472 00:24:53,794 --> 00:24:55,997 - What's up, dude? - Hey. 473 00:24:57,164 --> 00:24:59,533 Hey, Sid. 474 00:25:03,337 --> 00:25:06,474 Dude! Sid, dude, everyone is talking about 475 00:25:06,507 --> 00:25:08,509 your "I'm Boner Spartacus" bit in Sex Ed yesterday. 476 00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:10,244 - Like, in a good way? - Yes, like, in a fucking ama-- 477 00:25:10,277 --> 00:25:12,947 - Jim! Jim. - Oh, my God. 478 00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:14,648 Luna, what the fuck do you want? 479 00:25:14,682 --> 00:25:16,751 I don't remember saying Beetlejuice three times. 480 00:25:16,784 --> 00:25:18,619 Ha, ha, ha. You're so funny, Jim. 481 00:25:18,652 --> 00:25:20,388 We need to buy tickets for Homecoming, 482 00:25:20,421 --> 00:25:22,289 - and you have to pay for them, so... 483 00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:24,658 Well, make sure you tell that to the Japanese sex robot 484 00:25:24,692 --> 00:25:26,027 that you get to take you to the dance, 485 00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:27,995 'cause I'm not going with you, Luna. 486 00:25:28,029 --> 00:25:30,498 Dude, dude, dude, dude. Incoming heatseekers inbound. 487 00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:31,799 - What? - Hey. 488 00:25:33,501 --> 00:25:35,302 Holy shit. 489 00:25:35,336 --> 00:25:38,606 Oh, please, God, let Tiff Mann be my secret texter. 490 00:25:38,639 --> 00:25:40,509 Uh, hey. Hey. 491 00:25:40,541 --> 00:25:44,245 - I'm Tiff. - Oh, I know. 492 00:25:44,278 --> 00:25:49,583 Um, listen, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about what Chuck did to you. 493 00:25:49,617 --> 00:25:53,020 Oh, no, that's-- 494 00:25:53,054 --> 00:25:54,688 that's, uh-- he's-- 495 00:25:54,722 --> 00:25:56,891 - that's okay. - No, it's not okay. 496 00:25:56,924 --> 00:25:59,160 His parents say that he has impulsivity issues, 497 00:25:59,193 --> 00:26:02,897 but I think he can just be a dick sometimes. 498 00:26:02,930 --> 00:26:05,534 Yeah, yeah. 499 00:26:05,566 --> 00:26:09,703 Also are you going to go the game tonight? 500 00:26:09,737 --> 00:26:12,773 He'll be there, and so will I. 501 00:26:15,910 --> 00:26:18,412 Now is probably a good time to talk about hockey. 502 00:26:18,446 --> 00:26:19,880 Let me see you get it in net. 503 00:26:19,914 --> 00:26:21,916 Hockey is a pretty big deal in Eastland. 504 00:26:21,949 --> 00:26:23,984 - Let's get it in! - Score a goal, 505 00:26:24,018 --> 00:26:27,121 and you get to feel what it's like to be a god. 506 00:26:27,154 --> 00:26:29,723 Brad passes it to Worsham. And he goes for the shot. 507 00:26:29,757 --> 00:26:35,262 He shoots. He scores! 508 00:26:35,296 --> 00:26:37,731 You know who knows that feeling better than anyone? 509 00:26:37,765 --> 00:26:41,035 - Whoo! - Eric Worsham. 510 00:26:41,068 --> 00:26:43,037 Eric, Eric, Eric! 511 00:26:43,070 --> 00:26:45,606 Eric is like a king in Eastland. 512 00:26:45,639 --> 00:26:49,578 Face-off at center ice! 513 00:26:49,610 --> 00:26:51,812 Good move, man. Good move, Eric. Come on! 514 00:26:51,846 --> 00:26:54,915 But heavy is the head that wears the helmet. 515 00:26:54,949 --> 00:26:57,785 Eric has to be perfect, because if he's not... 516 00:26:57,818 --> 00:27:00,421 Move your fucking feet! Come on! 517 00:27:00,454 --> 00:27:04,593 ...he gets to enjoy a lifetime of pain and humiliation. 518 00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:07,562 And they're alone! 519 00:27:07,596 --> 00:27:12,733 And just like that, the Fighting Spirits have sent this game into overtime. 520 00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,436 Get the fuck up, you fucking piece of shit! 521 00:27:15,469 --> 00:27:17,872 Eric, that goal! That's on you! 522 00:27:17,905 --> 00:27:19,940 And Coach Worsham expressing his frustrations 523 00:27:19,974 --> 00:27:22,409 as they make their way to the locker room. 524 00:27:22,443 --> 00:27:25,045 I wouldn't wanna be at that dinner table tonight. 525 00:27:25,079 --> 00:27:26,615 Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention? 526 00:27:26,647 --> 00:27:29,316 That psycho coach? Also Eric's dad. 527 00:27:29,350 --> 00:27:32,419 You know what you are? I can't even say the word 528 00:27:32,453 --> 00:27:34,989 because the school board won't let me call you "pussies" anymore. 529 00:27:35,022 --> 00:27:37,191 You pissed away the last period. 530 00:27:37,224 --> 00:27:39,193 God damn, look at me when I'm fucking talking to you! 531 00:27:39,226 --> 00:27:41,630 Beat the fuck out of someone out there, okay? 532 00:27:41,662 --> 00:27:43,797 Like we're back in fucking 'Nam! 533 00:27:43,831 --> 00:27:45,833 What have I got, a bunch of pacifists? 534 00:27:45,866 --> 00:27:48,570 Or do I have me some warriors in this fucking room? 535 00:27:48,603 --> 00:27:51,805 Now, I love you boys. You know I do. 536 00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:54,576 On three. One, two, three! 537 00:27:54,609 --> 00:27:56,810 - Go, Frogs! - Whoo! Go, Frogs! 538 00:27:56,844 --> 00:27:58,946 - Come on, guys. - Let's go, come on. 539 00:27:58,979 --> 00:28:02,449 Come on, boys, let's go. Get out there and fucking win. 540 00:28:02,483 --> 00:28:04,818 Come on! I love you guys. 541 00:28:04,852 --> 00:28:08,122 Get out there, play hard, play fast. 542 00:28:08,155 --> 00:28:10,191 Come on, guys. Let's go, come on. 543 00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:26,807 You don't have go out there. 544 00:28:28,543 --> 00:28:30,645 What the hell are you talking about, man? 545 00:28:30,679 --> 00:28:32,012 Say you go out there, right? 546 00:28:32,046 --> 00:28:33,747 And you do whatever the hell it was 547 00:28:33,781 --> 00:28:36,116 your dad was screaming about, and you win the game, 548 00:28:36,150 --> 00:28:37,985 and you win a lot more games, right? 549 00:28:38,018 --> 00:28:40,754 You get a scholarship, and now you're playing NCAA. 550 00:28:40,788 --> 00:28:42,489 And you do really well there. 551 00:28:42,524 --> 00:28:44,725 And now you're playing in the NHL. 552 00:28:44,758 --> 00:28:47,861 And now you have fans and money and women 553 00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:49,496 and you might even win the Franklin Cup. 554 00:28:49,531 --> 00:28:51,398 - Stanley. - The Stanley Cup. 555 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,803 But you'll still be miserable, 556 00:28:55,836 --> 00:28:59,873 because you're not playing to win. 557 00:28:59,907 --> 00:29:02,276 You're playing not to lose. 558 00:29:04,211 --> 00:29:05,879 - I don't know. - I know what it's like 559 00:29:05,913 --> 00:29:06,880 to live your life the way you do 560 00:29:06,914 --> 00:29:08,983 because you're afraid. 561 00:29:09,016 --> 00:29:11,885 I used to hide in all kinds of places. 562 00:29:11,919 --> 00:29:16,190 - You hide in here. - I gotta get back out there. 563 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,128 No, you don't. 564 00:29:23,163 --> 00:29:25,499 Let's go, Frogs! Let's go, Frogs! 565 00:29:25,533 --> 00:29:29,036 Turns out jockstraps are super uncomfortable, 566 00:29:29,069 --> 00:29:31,372 especially when you're using somebody else's. 567 00:29:31,405 --> 00:29:35,142 And we got Eric Worsham returning to the ice. 568 00:29:35,175 --> 00:29:37,211 Looks like he took a few extra minutes of rest, 569 00:29:37,244 --> 00:29:39,380 and he'll need it against these Fighting Spirits. 570 00:29:40,381 --> 00:29:42,216 And face-off at center ice. 571 00:29:42,249 --> 00:29:44,118 The drop! 572 00:29:46,420 --> 00:29:49,691 Eric Worsham going offsides. 573 00:29:49,724 --> 00:29:51,892 Ooh, you don't see that from Worsham every day. 574 00:29:51,925 --> 00:29:55,229 - Uh, we've got a face-off deep in the Frog territory. - I'm good, bro. 575 00:29:55,262 --> 00:29:58,098 There's the drop! Worsham has got the puck. 576 00:29:58,132 --> 00:30:01,168 Oh! Worsham is pounded by the Spirits, and he's down. 577 00:30:01,201 --> 00:30:02,671 Get your fucking heads in the game, kids. 578 00:30:02,704 --> 00:30:03,772 Looks like that'll leave a mark. 579 00:30:03,804 --> 00:30:05,072 Come on, let's go, boys. 580 00:30:05,105 --> 00:30:07,875 Let's go! God damn it. 581 00:30:07,908 --> 00:30:09,376 What the fuck are you doing? 582 00:30:09,410 --> 00:30:12,079 You cock-sucking son of a fucking bitch. 583 00:30:14,582 --> 00:30:18,085 And then I remembered why I was here. 584 00:30:18,118 --> 00:30:20,789 For in the realm of the dead, where I'm going, 585 00:30:20,854 --> 00:30:22,890 I wanna be able to talk about this shit. 586 00:30:22,923 --> 00:30:24,693 The Frogs lining up with the Fighting Spirits 587 00:30:24,726 --> 00:30:27,861 - in striking distance. - Let's go, E. 588 00:30:27,895 --> 00:30:30,632 All right, boys, sticks down, face-off. 589 00:30:30,665 --> 00:30:34,335 And the puck is down. 590 00:30:34,368 --> 00:30:38,472 Oh! With a huge collision on center ice. 591 00:30:38,506 --> 00:30:39,973 Worsham now has the puck. 592 00:30:42,811 --> 00:30:44,445 Fuck fear. 593 00:30:44,478 --> 00:30:46,614 I've been doing a lot of avoiding in my life. 594 00:30:46,648 --> 00:30:48,616 Time to put it to good use. 595 00:30:48,650 --> 00:30:51,619 - Oh, he dodges! - Come on! 596 00:30:51,653 --> 00:30:53,621 He's getting close to the goal! 597 00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:02,930 With a spin like a ballerina! 598 00:31:03,931 --> 00:31:05,499 He shoots! 599 00:31:05,533 --> 00:31:07,501 No fear, motherfucker! 600 00:31:07,535 --> 00:31:08,703 He scores! 601 00:31:10,104 --> 00:31:13,808 Eric Worsham brings the Frogs to victory! 602 00:31:13,842 --> 00:31:17,144 Eric, Eric, Eric! 603 00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:21,683 Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 604 00:31:26,987 --> 00:31:30,625 - Sid. - What the fuck? 605 00:31:30,658 --> 00:31:35,329 Sid? Is that the guy that shoved the sharpie up his asshole? 606 00:31:35,362 --> 00:31:38,399 Um, correction, that goal was scored by, 607 00:31:38,432 --> 00:31:40,602 and I can't believe I'm saying this, 608 00:31:40,635 --> 00:31:45,305 my best friend Sid Sandagger! 609 00:31:51,813 --> 00:31:55,784 He's 160 pounds of pure sexual energy, 610 00:31:55,817 --> 00:31:57,585 and he's very, very single! 611 00:31:57,619 --> 00:31:59,319 Go, Sid! 612 00:32:03,490 --> 00:32:07,161 Hey. Who the fuck are you? 613 00:32:07,194 --> 00:32:10,364 I'm a friend of your son's, I guess? 614 00:32:10,397 --> 00:32:12,933 I clean the jockstraps. I give them-- I'm, like, their penis-- 615 00:32:12,966 --> 00:32:14,903 Where the fuck did you learn that thing? 616 00:32:14,935 --> 00:32:18,071 I, um-- I... 617 00:32:18,105 --> 00:32:22,142 Fantastic Figure Skating for Fabulous Five-Year-Olds. 618 00:32:23,778 --> 00:32:25,045 Can you be at practice tomorrow? 619 00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:28,516 Yeah. 620 00:32:28,550 --> 00:32:31,051 Yes, sir. Yes, coach. 621 00:33:43,323 --> 00:33:44,692 I don't know what you did to Eric, 622 00:33:44,726 --> 00:33:48,295 but that was some serious Jedi voodoo shit. 623 00:33:48,328 --> 00:33:50,665 He was just afraid. I used to live like that. 624 00:33:50,698 --> 00:33:54,201 - Dude, he quit hockey. He joined the dance team. - Good for him. 625 00:33:54,234 --> 00:33:56,704 - Yo, what up, Sid? - What's up, Sandagger? 626 00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:01,676 Who are you? 627 00:34:03,511 --> 00:34:04,311 Moving on. 628 00:34:04,344 --> 00:34:05,847 With Arlene in the hospital 629 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,048 for her Seasonal Affective Disorder, 630 00:34:08,081 --> 00:34:09,784 I will be assuming the role of interim 631 00:34:09,817 --> 00:34:11,019 student body president. 632 00:34:11,051 --> 00:34:13,021 However, according to school bylaws, 633 00:34:13,053 --> 00:34:14,488 we will hold a special election 634 00:34:14,522 --> 00:34:16,323 to determine a permanent replacement 635 00:34:16,356 --> 00:34:18,425 for the remainder of the year. 636 00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:20,562 Obviously, I will need a vice-president to run with. 637 00:34:20,595 --> 00:34:23,998 You'll be working with me, designing campaign signs, 638 00:34:24,032 --> 00:34:28,335 ironing out our platform, and of course, debating alongside me in three days. 639 00:34:28,368 --> 00:34:33,307 Expect long, gruesome hours and a whole lot of fun. 640 00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:35,342 Now, raise your hand 641 00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:36,678 if you'd like to be considered. 642 00:34:40,347 --> 00:34:42,517 You know, I'm not sure when it became cool 643 00:34:42,550 --> 00:34:46,386 to hate on Megan Waters, or even why, really. 644 00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:48,388 But a few months ago, some kid started a FarmersOnly account 645 00:34:48,422 --> 00:34:50,892 and posted pictures of her with a bunch of dicks 646 00:34:50,925 --> 00:34:52,292 and other stuff flying around. 647 00:34:52,326 --> 00:34:54,494 People can be such jerks. 648 00:34:54,529 --> 00:34:56,864 And when do they decide that's the one we're gonna torture? 649 00:34:56,898 --> 00:35:00,233 That's the one that we're gonna make feel like shit? 650 00:35:00,267 --> 00:35:02,169 It isn't right. 651 00:35:05,472 --> 00:35:07,075 Great. 652 00:35:07,107 --> 00:35:08,543 I'll give you guys some time to think it over 653 00:35:08,576 --> 00:35:10,143 and I'll put a sign-up sheet on the door. 654 00:35:10,177 --> 00:35:13,213 Meeting adjourned. 655 00:35:13,246 --> 00:35:15,817 Before I die, I said I'd fuck up the system. 656 00:35:15,850 --> 00:35:18,753 Helping Megan Waters just might be the way. 657 00:35:18,786 --> 00:35:21,022 - Hey, Megan. - Hey, Sid. 658 00:35:21,055 --> 00:35:22,890 About the whole vice-president thing? 659 00:35:22,924 --> 00:35:24,391 I'm sure that I'll find somebody. 660 00:35:24,424 --> 00:35:27,795 I would-- I would love to run with you. 661 00:35:29,262 --> 00:35:31,899 - Really? - Yeah. Why not? 662 00:35:31,933 --> 00:35:34,936 Well, I should probably vet you against the other candidates 663 00:35:34,969 --> 00:35:36,638 before I make any final decisions. 664 00:35:40,108 --> 00:35:42,644 Right. Welcome to the ticket. 665 00:35:44,444 --> 00:35:46,581 I've never really done drugs. 666 00:35:46,614 --> 00:35:48,650 Oh, except in sixth grade when I took two Tylenol 667 00:35:48,683 --> 00:35:50,417 and drank three Diet Dr Peppers 668 00:35:50,450 --> 00:35:52,954 and ended up riding the mammoth at the museum. 669 00:35:52,987 --> 00:35:54,922 Haven't really experimented since. 670 00:35:54,956 --> 00:35:58,126 This is the shit you want. You ever spent the night with molly? 671 00:35:58,158 --> 00:36:00,795 Uh, spent what? 672 00:36:00,828 --> 00:36:02,030 Oh, yeah. No. 673 00:36:02,063 --> 00:36:04,264 Um, what is molly exactly? 674 00:36:04,297 --> 00:36:06,299 You ever been rolling down a hill in the ice 675 00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:08,603 but felt really hot in your soul? 676 00:36:08,636 --> 00:36:13,007 Um, no. 677 00:36:13,041 --> 00:36:15,143 It's, like, spiritual. 678 00:36:15,175 --> 00:36:17,310 The real you comes out. 679 00:36:17,344 --> 00:36:18,579 You're gonna trip balls. 680 00:36:18,613 --> 00:36:20,982 Cool. Sweet. 681 00:36:21,015 --> 00:36:22,449 Um, how much do I owe you? 682 00:36:22,482 --> 00:36:27,155 - How much you want? - Just a few... bits. 683 00:36:27,187 --> 00:36:29,824 - Bits? - Pieces? I don't know. 684 00:36:29,857 --> 00:36:32,160 Just a handful. I don't-- what-- 685 00:36:32,192 --> 00:36:33,828 Just enough to have a good time. 686 00:36:33,861 --> 00:36:36,531 - 80. - 80. Cool. 687 00:36:36,564 --> 00:36:39,466 Usually, I'd be saving this money for, I don't know, my future? 688 00:36:39,499 --> 00:36:41,169 That's the nice thing about imminent death. 689 00:36:41,201 --> 00:36:43,171 It makes financial planning a lot easier. 690 00:36:43,203 --> 00:36:46,406 But don't take more than half a pill at a time. 691 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,608 - Half a pill? - Yeah. 692 00:36:47,642 --> 00:36:49,443 Got it. Okay. 693 00:36:49,476 --> 00:36:53,815 - Minty fresh. Just like this shit. - Thank you. 694 00:36:53,848 --> 00:36:56,017 You think that Candace chick would be down to hump? 695 00:36:56,050 --> 00:36:59,352 The abstinence cop? No. 696 00:36:59,386 --> 00:37:01,321 No, man, I don't think she is. 697 00:37:03,057 --> 00:37:04,926 I might be catching feelings for her. 698 00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:06,426 That's too bad, man. 699 00:37:11,666 --> 00:37:15,302 You know what, Dave? Why wait? 700 00:37:15,335 --> 00:37:17,872 If not now, then when, right? 701 00:37:17,905 --> 00:37:20,808 - Boner bros. - Boner bros. 702 00:37:23,144 --> 00:37:24,712 Like, a lot of puss. 703 00:37:24,746 --> 00:37:27,380 Oh, dude, the Frakas twins are having a party this weekend. 704 00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:29,717 - We gotta go. - Sweet. What kind of party? 705 00:37:29,751 --> 00:37:32,419 Aw, dude, it's a wine-tasting party. 706 00:37:32,452 --> 00:37:36,090 They got Austrian whites, they got a sommelier coming. 707 00:37:36,124 --> 00:37:39,493 I mean, he's gonna-- I mean-- what do you think kind of party? 708 00:37:39,527 --> 00:37:41,062 Yeah, dude. Whatever, I'm in. 709 00:37:41,095 --> 00:37:42,530 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 710 00:37:42,563 --> 00:37:45,633 Fuck yes, dude! That's what I'm talking about. 711 00:37:45,666 --> 00:37:47,168 Dude, I thought I was gonna have to sell that. 712 00:37:47,201 --> 00:37:49,237 Like, for real, I had this whole thing prepared 713 00:37:49,269 --> 00:37:52,240 about how if we both hook up, we would be brothers. 714 00:37:52,272 --> 00:37:53,406 Like, not that we're not already brothers, 715 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,209 but we would be like boner brothers. 716 00:37:55,243 --> 00:37:58,846 Oh, dude, I'm so sorry, but Dave Guggenheim already called that. 717 00:38:13,861 --> 00:38:16,564 You know, I always suspected Tiff Mann was an angel, 718 00:38:16,597 --> 00:38:18,566 but am I really falling in love 719 00:38:18,599 --> 00:38:21,903 with an honest to goodness celestial being? 720 00:38:21,936 --> 00:38:24,539 - Oh, shit. - Oh, were you masturbating again? 721 00:38:24,572 --> 00:38:26,574 - What? No! - That's okay. 722 00:38:26,607 --> 00:38:28,109 Masturbation promotes health. 723 00:38:28,142 --> 00:38:29,644 That's why grandma's never had the flu. 724 00:38:29,677 --> 00:38:31,679 - Can I help you guys? - Well, when you are a parent, 725 00:38:31,712 --> 00:38:35,883 and your son's Sex Ed teacher Dr. Capanna calls you 726 00:38:35,917 --> 00:38:38,318 and tells you that your son has flipped out in class... 727 00:38:38,351 --> 00:38:41,421 Dr. Capanna, by the way, sounds like the biggest moron. 728 00:38:41,454 --> 00:38:45,293 But also, if your son, say, mysteriously ends up 729 00:38:45,325 --> 00:38:48,428 on the cable access sports channel pucking a goal, 730 00:38:48,461 --> 00:38:51,464 we have no choice but to get very invasive 731 00:38:51,498 --> 00:38:53,801 and ask what exactly is going on? 732 00:38:53,835 --> 00:38:55,736 - I'm fine. - Do you know what? 733 00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:57,205 - You don't look fine. - Mm-mm. 734 00:38:57,238 --> 00:39:00,274 I had teeny little mishap at school. 735 00:39:00,308 --> 00:39:01,509 - With a girl? - No. 736 00:39:01,542 --> 00:39:03,778 - With Dr. Capanna? - No. 737 00:39:06,013 --> 00:39:10,383 Okay, well, if you change your mind, you know where to find us. 738 00:39:18,025 --> 00:39:19,727 - Friday. - Hmm? 739 00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,763 I have another game on Friday. 740 00:39:22,797 --> 00:39:26,834 And I am going to Homecoming next week. 741 00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:30,905 Do you want us to ask a girl out for you? 742 00:39:30,938 --> 00:39:32,874 Because we are good at that. 743 00:39:32,907 --> 00:39:35,810 No thank you, no. 744 00:39:47,555 --> 00:39:49,690 Well, all right. 745 00:39:49,724 --> 00:39:51,525 It appears as though I am not the only one 746 00:39:51,559 --> 00:39:53,060 who is fucking up the system nowadays. 747 00:39:53,094 --> 00:39:56,797 Whoo! 748 00:39:58,199 --> 00:39:59,667 Hey, take five, guys. What's up? 749 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,302 - What's up, man? - How you doing? 750 00:40:01,335 --> 00:40:02,469 I'd heard you joined the dance team. 751 00:40:02,503 --> 00:40:04,305 That's-- that was-- that was awesome. 752 00:40:04,338 --> 00:40:06,741 - Hey, nice goal the other night. - Thanks, man. 753 00:40:06,774 --> 00:40:08,209 Hey, I wanted to tell you something. 754 00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:13,547 Um, just thank you for talking to me the other night. 755 00:40:13,581 --> 00:40:15,182 I feel like I'm finally having fun in high school. 756 00:40:15,216 --> 00:40:17,184 - I'm happy for you, man. - I should get back there, 757 00:40:17,218 --> 00:40:20,755 - but have a good game Friday. - Careful on those backflips. 758 00:40:20,788 --> 00:40:23,423 - Hey, don't let my dad ride you too hard. - I won't! 759 00:40:23,456 --> 00:40:28,195 - See you around, Sid. Let's go again. - All right! Okay, one... 760 00:40:33,601 --> 00:40:35,236 Good God, understudy, 761 00:40:35,269 --> 00:40:36,737 I cannot wait to kiss that mouth. 762 00:40:36,771 --> 00:40:40,207 It's, like, the hottest face hole I've ever seen. 763 00:40:40,241 --> 00:40:41,242 God. 764 00:40:41,275 --> 00:40:42,610 Only a total tool 765 00:40:42,643 --> 00:40:43,644 would call Tiff Mann's 766 00:40:43,678 --> 00:40:45,613 perfect lips a face hole. 767 00:40:45,646 --> 00:40:48,749 Then again, Erwin Mueller is a total tool. 768 00:40:48,783 --> 00:40:51,686 - This time with lights, please. - Thank you. 769 00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:57,191 ♪ Me, alive ♪ 770 00:40:57,224 --> 00:41:01,696 ♪ You make me alive ♪ 771 00:41:04,497 --> 00:41:09,971 ♪ A final kiss before I burn your body ♪ 772 00:41:10,004 --> 00:41:13,874 Also, what the fuck even is this show? 773 00:41:13,908 --> 00:41:15,910 'Cause we know that Olivia's gonna go after 774 00:41:15,943 --> 00:41:18,446 those one-issue plastic straw voters, 775 00:41:18,478 --> 00:41:20,348 who aren't even informed, and they don't even know 776 00:41:20,381 --> 00:41:21,916 that it's landfills that are causing 777 00:41:21,949 --> 00:41:24,752 the most pollution in our entire planet. 778 00:41:24,785 --> 00:41:26,454 But we have to appeal to them. 779 00:41:26,486 --> 00:41:28,622 We have to appeal to that dumb demographic. 780 00:41:28,656 --> 00:41:30,925 Hey! You know, that's really rude, 781 00:41:30,958 --> 00:41:32,994 to just rifle through people's things? 782 00:41:33,027 --> 00:41:35,930 What is it? Is it, like, a diary or a journal? 783 00:41:35,963 --> 00:41:38,466 Is it a hit list? Are you an assassin? 784 00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:43,571 It sounds stupid, but I write poetry sometimes. 785 00:41:43,604 --> 00:41:46,107 - Can I hear one? - No. 786 00:41:46,140 --> 00:41:47,942 - Please? - No. 787 00:41:57,084 --> 00:41:59,720 Look, it's... 788 00:42:01,188 --> 00:42:02,490 I'm still fixing them. 789 00:42:09,630 --> 00:42:12,166 Rainbows contain all of the colors, 790 00:42:12,199 --> 00:42:15,970 but white light contains all of the colors of the rainbow. 791 00:42:16,003 --> 00:42:19,707 I am the white light on a cold night. 792 00:42:19,740 --> 00:42:21,375 And if you look just right, 793 00:42:21,409 --> 00:42:26,047 you will see all of the colors inside of me. 794 00:42:27,548 --> 00:42:30,519 There. Now we can get back to recycling. 795 00:42:30,551 --> 00:42:32,987 - That was great. - You don't have to like it. 796 00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:37,191 - I know. - You know, I've never actually 797 00:42:37,224 --> 00:42:39,260 read one of my poems out loud. 798 00:42:39,293 --> 00:42:44,632 Normally when I try to talk to people, they just walk away. 799 00:42:44,665 --> 00:42:49,236 Megan, I'm sorry that I never stuck up for you in student council. 800 00:42:49,270 --> 00:42:51,005 - It's fine. - It's not. 801 00:42:51,038 --> 00:42:53,274 It's not. I'm sorry. 802 00:42:54,842 --> 00:42:58,379 Okay, we really need a stronger stance on cardboard. 803 00:42:58,412 --> 00:43:02,016 Let's just take a break. 804 00:43:03,217 --> 00:43:05,186 I can't just take a break, Sid. 805 00:43:05,219 --> 00:43:07,188 Every minute that we take off 806 00:43:07,221 --> 00:43:09,390 is another one that Olivia Binghman doesn't. 807 00:43:09,423 --> 00:43:12,393 That dirty whore has been trying to steal the council from me for years, 808 00:43:12,426 --> 00:43:15,963 and we are not about to let that happen. 809 00:43:15,996 --> 00:43:17,098 Mm-hmm. 810 00:43:18,432 --> 00:43:19,967 - Your breath stinks. - I'm good. 811 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,270 - I have some in my bag. - Good, 'cause I'm almost out. 812 00:43:26,373 --> 00:43:30,611 I've been meaning to get the average joe perspective. 813 00:43:30,644 --> 00:43:33,380 What do you feel? Paper or plastic? 814 00:43:36,383 --> 00:43:40,221 Yeah, my mom threw a hairdryer at my dad last night. 815 00:43:40,254 --> 00:43:44,125 - I don't know if he bled, but it look like it hurt. - Oh, my God. 816 00:43:44,158 --> 00:43:49,663 - Um... - I wanna believe in love, but I don't know anymore. 817 00:43:51,665 --> 00:43:55,903 Yeah, that's one of life's greatest mysteries. 818 00:43:55,936 --> 00:43:57,905 It's big, right? Like, life-changing. 819 00:43:57,938 --> 00:44:00,609 Mm-hmm, and it's-- just don't feel like it's your fault. 820 00:44:00,641 --> 00:44:02,843 - I'm sure it's not your fault. - It might be. 821 00:44:11,652 --> 00:44:12,786 Sorry. I need a minute. 822 00:44:12,820 --> 00:44:16,157 Yeah, take-- I'm sorry. Yeah. 823 00:44:18,459 --> 00:44:20,661 - I didn't mean to make that weird. - No, no. 824 00:44:20,694 --> 00:44:22,163 - I'm good. I'm surviving. - Yeah, of course. 825 00:44:22,196 --> 00:44:24,431 I just-- I wanna be there and I don't know with to say 826 00:44:24,465 --> 00:44:29,103 because I don't-- I never-- my parents are still in love. 827 00:44:29,136 --> 00:44:32,373 - So, sorry. I just-- - Yeah, thanks for rubbing that in. 828 00:44:32,406 --> 00:44:37,144 - Um, I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 829 00:44:38,513 --> 00:44:39,548 Attention, Eastland Frogs. 830 00:44:39,581 --> 00:44:40,948 The student council assembly 831 00:44:40,981 --> 00:44:43,184 will begin in ten minutes in the auditorium. 832 00:44:43,217 --> 00:44:44,952 Where the fuck have you been, Sandagger? 833 00:44:44,985 --> 00:44:46,655 Megan, this is the men's room. 834 00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:48,489 I know. What the hell are you doing in here, huh? 835 00:44:48,523 --> 00:44:52,159 - I'm just peeing. - You peed? 836 00:44:52,193 --> 00:44:56,598 Every great politician knows, "No pee before debate. 837 00:44:56,631 --> 00:44:59,500 It's the pee that makes you great." 838 00:44:59,534 --> 00:45:01,869 I haven't pissed in four days. 839 00:45:01,902 --> 00:45:03,804 Oh, my God. That's incredibly unhealthy. 840 00:45:03,837 --> 00:45:06,373 By the way, your mints, they taste like shit. 841 00:45:10,010 --> 00:45:13,881 - No. Oh, shit. - What? 842 00:45:13,914 --> 00:45:16,217 Are they not mints? 843 00:45:17,718 --> 00:45:19,987 - Uh, kind of. - Kind of? 844 00:45:20,020 --> 00:45:22,890 Okay, there's no such thing as kind of when it comes to mints. 845 00:45:22,923 --> 00:45:25,759 They either refresh your breath or they don't. 846 00:45:25,793 --> 00:45:27,494 They freshen your perspective. 847 00:45:28,896 --> 00:45:30,030 Oh, my God, they're a drug. 848 00:45:30,064 --> 00:45:32,900 I've never taken a drug before! 849 00:45:36,337 --> 00:45:39,039 Get the fuck out of here, Eli! 850 00:45:39,073 --> 00:45:41,976 - Move! - And vote Megan Waters! 851 00:45:42,009 --> 00:45:45,479 Nobody's gonna vote Megan Waters now. 852 00:45:45,513 --> 00:45:47,281 Relax. It's okay. 853 00:45:47,314 --> 00:45:49,551 - I think I need to call my pediatrician. - It's gonna be fine. 854 00:45:49,584 --> 00:45:52,721 I'm-- you're gonna be fine. I promise. 855 00:45:52,753 --> 00:45:54,455 You're gonna go out there, 856 00:45:54,488 --> 00:45:55,724 and you're gonna be yourself, 857 00:45:55,789 --> 00:45:56,924 and everyone's gonna love you. 858 00:45:56,957 --> 00:45:59,393 - No one loves me, Sid! - Jesus. 859 00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:00,995 No one even likes me. 860 00:46:01,028 --> 00:46:04,898 Because people like you and me, we're not pretty. 861 00:46:04,932 --> 00:46:06,800 No! But we're smart. 862 00:46:06,834 --> 00:46:10,505 And that means that we're supposed to have good lives after we leave. 863 00:46:10,538 --> 00:46:15,510 No. Megan, we're gonna start now. 864 00:46:16,544 --> 00:46:18,112 See? 865 00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:22,316 You're gonna be fine, I promise. 866 00:46:23,585 --> 00:46:24,785 Okay. 867 00:46:26,621 --> 00:46:28,822 So what drug was it that we took? 868 00:46:46,641 --> 00:46:48,075 - Oh, okay. - Your turn, your turn. 869 00:46:48,108 --> 00:46:49,943 Hey, everyone. Sid Sandagger. 870 00:46:49,977 --> 00:46:51,879 Uh, it is my strong opinion 871 00:46:51,912 --> 00:46:54,516 that Megan is the fucking best. 872 00:46:54,549 --> 00:46:56,083 - I'm serious, girl, you're such-- - Really? 873 00:46:56,116 --> 00:46:58,252 - Yeah, you're the fucking shit. - Aw, dude. 874 00:46:58,285 --> 00:47:01,021 - I love you so fucking much. - Such good friends. We've blossomed. 875 00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,423 - Our friendship has blossomed. - Aww, Sid. 876 00:47:02,456 --> 00:47:05,459 Oh, yeah, of course. Friends. 877 00:47:05,492 --> 00:47:06,960 Okay, I hear ya. 878 00:47:06,994 --> 00:47:11,265 We have evaluated things and come to the conclusion 879 00:47:11,298 --> 00:47:13,100 that you have all been cocks to her. 880 00:47:13,133 --> 00:47:14,968 Yeah, you guys-- you guys have been cocks. 881 00:47:15,002 --> 00:47:16,270 - Yeah. Yeah. - You've been cocks! 882 00:47:16,303 --> 00:47:18,540 Especially you, Jonathan Gliggman. 883 00:47:18,573 --> 00:47:20,809 Yeah, but she is wonderful, 884 00:47:20,841 --> 00:47:22,811 wonderful, if you can't tell already. 885 00:47:22,843 --> 00:47:23,911 - Thank you. - And I think it's about time 886 00:47:23,944 --> 00:47:25,279 that you got to know her yourself. 887 00:47:25,312 --> 00:47:28,982 So, um, well, without much further ado, Megan. 888 00:47:29,016 --> 00:47:31,118 Be yourself. You got this. 889 00:47:33,053 --> 00:47:34,221 Whoo! 890 00:47:44,365 --> 00:47:46,768 I am a prism. 891 00:47:46,801 --> 00:47:51,004 I refract. 892 00:47:51,038 --> 00:47:54,141 But I glow for me. 893 00:47:56,043 --> 00:47:59,848 And I dance for you. 894 00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:04,652 And you and you and you and everybody! 895 00:48:04,686 --> 00:48:08,021 Not her! You made your signs with signs with glitter, 896 00:48:08,055 --> 00:48:10,457 and I went to Kinko's, bitch. 897 00:48:17,766 --> 00:48:19,266 ♪ Composting papers on papers ♪ 898 00:48:19,299 --> 00:48:22,002 - ♪ Recycle bottles on bottles ♪ - ♪ Skrr, skrr ♪ 899 00:48:22,035 --> 00:48:23,838 ♪ We're burning bodies like models ♪ 900 00:48:23,872 --> 00:48:25,874 ♪ And now you inhaled the vapors ♪ 901 00:48:25,906 --> 00:48:27,509 ♪ You know what you wanted me to spit ♪ 902 00:48:27,542 --> 00:48:29,878 - ♪ Whoo, whoo ♪ - ♪ And now you're sorry I did ♪ 903 00:48:29,910 --> 00:48:32,246 - ♪ Huh! ♪ - ♪ Losers vote for Olivia ♪ 904 00:48:32,279 --> 00:48:35,048 ♪ Ballers vote Megan and Sid, you love it ♪ 905 00:48:35,082 --> 00:48:37,719 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Whoo! 906 00:48:37,752 --> 00:48:41,856 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 907 00:48:41,890 --> 00:48:45,159 Megan, Megan, Megan! 908 00:48:45,192 --> 00:48:49,664 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 909 00:48:49,697 --> 00:48:53,902 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 910 00:48:53,934 --> 00:48:57,906 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 911 00:48:57,938 --> 00:49:02,075 Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan! 912 00:49:02,109 --> 00:49:06,146 Megan, Megan... 913 00:49:08,883 --> 00:49:11,418 Oh, it's a pass to Sandagger! 914 00:49:11,452 --> 00:49:13,888 - Oh, oh! I can't believe I'm about to say this, 915 00:49:13,922 --> 00:49:16,825 but as long as you are not falling flat on your face in spandex... 916 00:49:16,858 --> 00:49:20,494 He shoots! He scores! 917 00:49:20,528 --> 00:49:22,897 ...standing out might not be the worst thing in the world. 918 00:49:22,931 --> 00:49:26,634 - Sidney! Go, Sidney! Go! - Whoo! 919 00:49:30,705 --> 00:49:33,842 - Whoo! - It certainly has its benefits. 920 00:49:33,875 --> 00:49:35,342 Later, dude. 921 00:49:36,443 --> 00:49:38,479 - Good game, guys. - Good job, Sid. 922 00:49:47,988 --> 00:49:49,757 Tiff Mann might be my destiny, 923 00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:53,193 but sometimes even destiny needs a little nudge. 924 00:49:55,229 --> 00:49:58,131 Break a leg out there tonight, man. 925 00:49:58,165 --> 00:50:02,369 Hello, understudy. I thought I smelled you. 926 00:50:02,402 --> 00:50:04,606 Now, this isn't something I'm super proud 927 00:50:04,639 --> 00:50:07,842 to add to my lifetime achievements, 928 00:50:07,876 --> 00:50:09,878 but Erwin Mueller's a dick. 929 00:50:11,478 --> 00:50:13,146 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 930 00:50:13,180 --> 00:50:14,782 welcome to tonight's performance of "Frankenstein," 931 00:50:14,816 --> 00:50:17,284 the new musical by Erwin Mueller, 932 00:50:17,317 --> 00:50:19,353 based on a concept by Mary Shelley. 933 00:50:19,386 --> 00:50:20,989 Tonight, the role of Frankenstein 934 00:50:21,021 --> 00:50:23,190 will be performed by Sidney Sandagger. 935 00:50:23,223 --> 00:50:24,893 The performance will begin in a moment. 936 00:50:24,926 --> 00:50:27,361 - Did he tell you? - No. 937 00:50:27,394 --> 00:50:28,530 Oh. 938 00:50:39,874 --> 00:50:42,877 ♪ Oh, how I love thee ♪ 939 00:50:42,911 --> 00:50:45,212 ♪ And yet you're a monster ♪ 940 00:50:45,245 --> 00:50:47,047 ♪ A vicious monster ♪ 941 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,885 ♪ I am a vicious monster ♪ 942 00:50:50,919 --> 00:50:54,022 - Wow. - ♪ You must die, monster ♪ 943 00:50:54,054 --> 00:50:57,759 ♪ But know I will never forget you ♪ 944 00:50:57,792 --> 00:51:02,931 - ♪ She will never forget me ♪ - ♪ Goodbye, goodbye ♪ 945 00:51:02,964 --> 00:51:06,400 - I can't tell if it's supposed to be a parody. - Is it funny? 946 00:51:11,573 --> 00:51:13,041 ♪ A final kiss ♪ 947 00:51:13,073 --> 00:51:15,777 ♪ Before I burn your body ♪ 948 00:51:15,810 --> 00:51:18,345 Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. 949 00:51:18,378 --> 00:51:20,347 Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. 950 00:51:20,380 --> 00:51:23,150 Don't get a boner. Damn it. 951 00:51:23,183 --> 00:51:26,854 - Oh, shit. - Go, Sid. 952 00:51:33,595 --> 00:51:36,864 Whoo! Yeah, Sid! 953 00:51:38,465 --> 00:51:40,735 My acting coach says I need to follow my instincts. 954 00:51:40,768 --> 00:51:46,473 Huh. Wait, you have a-- you have an acting coach? 955 00:51:46,507 --> 00:51:50,110 - On YouTube. - Well, that's 21st century. 956 00:51:50,143 --> 00:51:54,247 Um, do you want to-- would you like to go maybe 957 00:51:54,281 --> 00:51:57,652 to the Frakas twins' party with me tomorrow? 958 00:52:05,292 --> 00:52:07,595 - Okay. - Oh, yeah. Okay. 959 00:52:07,629 --> 00:52:09,262 Sick. Cool. Uh, dope. 960 00:52:09,296 --> 00:52:11,566 I'll pick you up at 10. 961 00:52:11,599 --> 00:52:13,968 - You'll text me? - I don't have your number. 962 00:52:14,002 --> 00:52:15,637 Don't have my number. 963 00:52:15,670 --> 00:52:17,639 We love a good cat and mouse, don't we, Tiff Mann? 964 00:52:17,672 --> 00:52:19,941 Hey, bud, you got something on your face. 965 00:52:39,459 --> 00:52:41,294 Hey, does this shirt make me look fat? 966 00:52:41,328 --> 00:52:43,564 Like, kinda like when I do this? 967 00:52:43,598 --> 00:52:45,298 Oh, no. No. Buttons are totally slimming. 968 00:52:45,332 --> 00:52:47,501 - What time again? - Um, so, 10. 969 00:52:47,535 --> 00:52:50,638 So then I'll pick you up at 9:30 'cause we gotta get Luna first. 970 00:52:50,672 --> 00:52:53,975 - Dude, you're taking Luna? - It's just for show. What? 971 00:52:54,008 --> 00:52:56,077 Mom! 972 00:52:56,110 --> 00:52:58,311 No wonder you don't like Luna. You're too busy falling in love with Sid! 973 00:52:58,345 --> 00:53:02,449 - Mom! Making me date that brown fire hydrant-- - She is a lovely girl. 974 00:53:02,482 --> 00:53:04,952 - She's like Satan in the flesh. - I will smack your ass 975 00:53:04,986 --> 00:53:07,055 - back to next Thursday, okay? - Okay, okay, okay. 976 00:53:07,088 --> 00:53:09,123 That's the kind of woman you could slap around in bed a little. 977 00:53:09,157 --> 00:53:11,559 - Okay, Mom, please stop. - I punched your father in the face! 978 00:53:11,592 --> 00:53:15,228 - Eww, eww! Mom! - And then I got down on him and just went to town! 979 00:53:15,262 --> 00:53:16,731 - Mom! - Si, and... 980 00:53:34,247 --> 00:53:36,584 Okay. What the fuck. 981 00:53:38,285 --> 00:53:42,090 Oh, that was too many knocks. Too many knocks. Okay. 982 00:53:42,123 --> 00:53:44,659 - You're not even gonna say I look nice? - You don't look nice. 983 00:53:44,692 --> 00:53:46,728 You look like an incredibly mean person 984 00:53:46,761 --> 00:53:47,762 because you are one. 985 00:53:47,795 --> 00:53:50,363 You have the mustache of a child molester 986 00:53:50,397 --> 00:53:52,700 and the haircut of a molested child. 987 00:53:55,737 --> 00:53:57,437 Relax, relax. 988 00:54:10,051 --> 00:54:12,920 - Hey. - Hey. 989 00:54:12,954 --> 00:54:16,958 Is that your minivan? 990 00:54:19,127 --> 00:54:23,030 It's Jim's. Great for families. 991 00:54:28,335 --> 00:54:30,171 Fuck my life. 992 00:54:30,204 --> 00:54:32,140 You ever wonder what life is like 993 00:54:32,173 --> 00:54:33,841 for the cool kids? 994 00:54:33,875 --> 00:54:36,811 Well, tonight I find out. 995 00:54:40,948 --> 00:54:42,650 You okay? 996 00:54:45,953 --> 00:54:48,256 Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. 997 00:54:48,288 --> 00:54:50,091 - Wanna get a drink? - Oh, yeah. 998 00:54:50,124 --> 00:54:51,692 - Totally. - Let's do it. 999 00:54:58,431 --> 00:55:00,367 Cheers. Let's just go for it. Okay. 1000 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:03,436 - Nice-- oh, you-- - Oh, my God. 1001 00:55:03,470 --> 00:55:06,473 - Is this one bad? - Sid, come hit this! 1002 00:55:14,414 --> 00:55:17,885 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1003 00:55:17,919 --> 00:55:19,821 Chug, chug, chug, chug! 1004 00:55:28,262 --> 00:55:31,299 This is literally the coolest fucking party 1005 00:55:31,331 --> 00:55:33,100 that I have ever been to in my entire life. 1006 00:55:33,134 --> 00:55:36,771 Why doesn't anybody want to go ride a horse with me? 1007 00:55:36,804 --> 00:55:38,773 You wanna do one? Guys, let's go-- 1008 00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:41,976 Dude, give them their moment. Stop hopping on the... 1009 00:55:42,009 --> 00:55:43,778 For a moment... 1010 00:55:43,811 --> 00:55:46,948 ...this party felt like heaven. 1011 00:55:51,686 --> 00:55:53,221 Oh, like you haven't thought about it. 1012 00:55:53,254 --> 00:55:57,124 Yo. Why aren't you responding to my texts? 1013 00:55:57,158 --> 00:55:59,426 'Cause I don't want to talk to you. 1014 00:55:59,459 --> 00:56:02,897 - Okay, let's go for a walk. - No. 1015 00:56:02,930 --> 00:56:08,169 We're gonna go for a walk, 'cause we clearly have things-- 1016 00:56:08,202 --> 00:56:11,404 What the fuck? 1017 00:56:11,438 --> 00:56:14,075 - Uh, uh, Chuck. Yo, dawg. - I need you to shut up. 1018 00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,811 Who gets out of anger management a week early? 1019 00:56:16,844 --> 00:56:20,348 - Fuck you, Switzerland. - Dude, don't. 1020 00:56:20,380 --> 00:56:23,818 - Don't do this. - David, Candace, I-- 1021 00:56:23,851 --> 00:56:28,055 I really appreciate it, but I'm fine. 1022 00:56:30,725 --> 00:56:34,028 Well, now I see why you wanted to get me suspended, 1023 00:56:34,061 --> 00:56:36,530 you little piece of shit. 1024 00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:39,100 Give me one good reason 1025 00:56:39,133 --> 00:56:40,968 why I shouldn't kill you right now. 1026 00:56:41,002 --> 00:56:44,338 - Uh... - This is it. 1027 00:56:44,372 --> 00:56:48,776 Barring divine intervention, I am... dead? 1028 00:56:50,378 --> 00:56:52,113 Oh! 1029 00:56:54,982 --> 00:56:59,186 - Not again. Oh! - It may not have been a burning bush, 1030 00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:02,790 but if an exploding car at the time of your imminent demise 1031 00:57:02,823 --> 00:57:04,592 isn't evidence of a higher power, 1032 00:57:04,625 --> 00:57:05,626 then I don't know what is. 1033 00:57:05,660 --> 00:57:07,795 Halle-fucking-lujah! 1034 00:57:07,828 --> 00:57:10,463 Let's get the hell out of here. 1035 00:57:10,497 --> 00:57:12,233 - Yeah. - I think God just did that. 1036 00:57:12,266 --> 00:57:14,434 That was fucking dope! 1037 00:57:14,467 --> 00:57:17,772 Oh, my God. 1038 00:57:22,576 --> 00:57:24,477 - Oh, I'm shaking. - It just-- 1039 00:57:24,512 --> 00:57:26,881 That happened, right? You saw that too? 1040 00:57:26,914 --> 00:57:29,784 I feel like we're in a rap video or something. 1041 00:57:29,817 --> 00:57:32,485 - What happened? - I don't know. 1042 00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,595 Oh, shit. I'm sorry. 1043 00:57:41,629 --> 00:57:43,731 That just came out. I don't even know what noise that was. 1044 00:57:43,764 --> 00:57:48,102 It sounded like you put a pig in a blender. 1045 00:57:48,135 --> 00:57:50,905 Um, I'm so confused. 1046 00:57:50,938 --> 00:57:53,441 Have you not been texting me this whole time? 1047 00:57:53,473 --> 00:57:55,076 No, I told you, I don't have your number. 1048 00:57:55,109 --> 00:57:58,446 Look, the truth is, Sid, 1049 00:57:58,478 --> 00:58:01,382 I've been trying really hard to like you. 1050 00:58:01,415 --> 00:58:03,818 I mean, like that. 1051 00:58:03,851 --> 00:58:07,088 That's cool, because I want to like you, too. 1052 00:58:07,121 --> 00:58:11,625 And I do like you, so I'm like a success story you can really look up to. 1053 00:58:15,563 --> 00:58:20,500 You know, I've just-- I've felt so trapped dating Chuck the past few years. 1054 00:58:20,534 --> 00:58:22,636 He and I, we have this cycle. 1055 00:58:22,670 --> 00:58:25,740 It's, like, we fight, we break up, we get back together. 1056 00:58:25,773 --> 00:58:27,775 He gets into some kind of insane trouble 1057 00:58:27,808 --> 00:58:29,777 and I swear that I'm gonna never date him again. 1058 00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:35,583 And then I just end up back with him again. 1059 00:58:37,618 --> 00:58:41,856 I guess I just thought that maybe if I liked you 1060 00:58:41,889 --> 00:58:45,493 then I wouldn't go back to him, you know? 1061 00:58:45,526 --> 00:58:47,862 I wouldn't make the same mistake. 1062 00:58:51,132 --> 00:58:53,501 But... 1063 00:58:53,534 --> 00:58:59,173 But I just-- I don't feel that way about you, Sid. 1064 00:58:59,206 --> 00:59:00,908 I'm sorry. 1065 00:59:05,312 --> 00:59:06,313 Friends? 1066 00:59:24,231 --> 00:59:25,933 She didn't even jerk you off? 1067 00:59:29,904 --> 00:59:30,905 Bummer. 1068 01:00:16,016 --> 01:00:18,486 Screw, Chuck. He can't touch me. 1069 01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:19,820 - What's up, Sid? - Yo. 1070 01:00:19,854 --> 01:00:21,523 When he left, I was invisible. 1071 01:00:21,556 --> 01:00:24,058 Now I'm invincible. 1072 01:00:24,091 --> 01:00:27,261 I'm like a hero, and people protect heroes. 1073 01:00:27,294 --> 01:00:31,632 Heroes never die, right? 1074 01:01:08,502 --> 01:01:10,304 Uh, hey. 1075 01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:13,040 Hey, can I talk to you guys? 1076 01:01:15,943 --> 01:01:17,646 I think-- I think that-- 1077 01:01:17,678 --> 01:01:19,146 I think that you should log off. 1078 01:01:19,180 --> 01:01:20,615 Get the fuck outta here. 1079 01:01:20,649 --> 01:01:23,117 Okay, I get it. I do. 1080 01:01:23,150 --> 01:01:28,489 I love being in here, but I think you're-- 1081 01:01:28,523 --> 01:01:30,625 I just-- I think you're missing out. 1082 01:01:30,659 --> 01:01:32,259 Trust me. I'm you. 1083 01:01:32,293 --> 01:01:35,564 We're to living our lives to our full potential. 1084 01:01:35,597 --> 01:01:39,934 Out there, the quests don't wait for you like they do in here. 1085 01:01:39,967 --> 01:01:43,137 There's a lot more out there than orcs and night elves 1086 01:01:43,170 --> 01:01:47,241 and you shouldn't be spending your whole lives hiding. 1087 01:01:51,312 --> 01:01:54,181 Yeah, all right. Okay. 1088 01:02:07,428 --> 01:02:09,930 Whoa, whoa. Sorry. Hey! 1089 01:02:12,099 --> 01:02:14,001 Hey, hey! 1090 01:02:16,737 --> 01:02:19,240 Hey! Hey! 1091 01:02:22,276 --> 01:02:26,548 - What? - You're, uh... 1092 01:02:26,581 --> 01:02:29,551 Katie. 1093 01:02:29,584 --> 01:02:31,553 You've been texting me this whole time. 1094 01:02:31,586 --> 01:02:33,053 - I'm sorry, okay? I got-- - No. 1095 01:02:33,087 --> 01:02:34,388 No, don't say you're sorry. 1096 01:02:34,421 --> 01:02:37,191 Just... 1097 01:02:37,224 --> 01:02:38,859 ...hi. 1098 01:02:40,227 --> 01:02:42,930 - Hi. - How do you even know who I am? 1099 01:02:42,963 --> 01:02:47,569 I think everyone knows who you are at this point. 1100 01:02:47,602 --> 01:02:49,403 You've been weird. 1101 01:02:49,436 --> 01:02:51,872 Good weird, though. 1102 01:02:51,905 --> 01:02:56,977 And you-- you wanted to help me? 1103 01:02:59,614 --> 01:03:00,682 Yeah. 1104 01:03:00,715 --> 01:03:02,684 Suck a dick, Chuck. 1105 01:03:02,717 --> 01:03:05,052 Why do we all have to pretend that we don't want to fuck each other... 1106 01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:07,689 Hugh Hefner would be so proud of you right now. 1107 01:03:07,722 --> 01:03:10,824 Sandagger! 1108 01:03:10,858 --> 01:03:14,261 ♪ She will never forget me ♪ 1109 01:03:16,631 --> 01:03:18,198 Do you wanna go on a date with me? 1110 01:03:19,634 --> 01:03:22,202 - Really? - Yeah. 1111 01:03:24,271 --> 01:03:27,742 I'm going to something after school if you wanna come. 1112 01:03:27,776 --> 01:03:29,009 Yeah. 1113 01:03:33,380 --> 01:03:36,183 - I'll text you, I guess. - Yeah, please. 1114 01:03:58,172 --> 01:04:01,208 You know that I have two moms, right? 1115 01:04:03,010 --> 01:04:04,579 And they're both going to hell. 1116 01:04:04,612 --> 01:04:06,514 Oh. 1117 01:04:11,318 --> 01:04:12,520 Okay. 1118 01:04:16,691 --> 01:04:18,760 I just like bits and pieces. 1119 01:04:18,793 --> 01:04:24,131 - Of the Bible? - Yeah, of all religions. 1120 01:04:24,164 --> 01:04:30,137 Plus, churches are really pretty, and quiet, 1121 01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:33,907 and they make boys like you super uncomfortable. 1122 01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:47,354 Sometimes it's just nice to be somewhere, you know? 1123 01:04:51,325 --> 01:04:52,560 Amen. 1124 01:04:56,397 --> 01:04:57,565 Amen. 1125 01:05:05,439 --> 01:05:07,040 Ten seconds left! 1126 01:05:07,074 --> 01:05:09,577 He's going! Yeah! 1127 01:05:09,611 --> 01:05:13,213 Sandagger! 1128 01:05:35,102 --> 01:05:36,571 Hey, can I ask you something? 1129 01:05:36,604 --> 01:05:37,605 Yeah. 1130 01:05:38,972 --> 01:05:40,941 Did you set Chuck Brawnte's car on fire? 1131 01:05:40,974 --> 01:05:44,178 - No. - I had this awful-- 1132 01:05:53,621 --> 01:05:56,390 Cool. I can do better. 1133 01:05:56,423 --> 01:05:58,425 I wasn't expecting that. So, I can-- 1134 01:06:01,962 --> 01:06:03,932 "Let go of the past, 1135 01:06:03,964 --> 01:06:05,667 let go of the future, 1136 01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,067 in the present, let go. 1137 01:06:07,100 --> 01:06:09,771 Gone to the other shore of becoming, 1138 01:06:09,804 --> 01:06:11,405 mind released entirely, 1139 01:06:11,438 --> 01:06:14,776 you will never again undergo birth and old age." 1140 01:06:14,809 --> 01:06:17,612 - Wow. That's beautiful. - Isn't it? 1141 01:06:17,645 --> 01:06:18,780 - Depressing. - No. 1142 01:06:31,759 --> 01:06:34,796 My mom is eighth grade math, 1143 01:06:34,829 --> 01:06:37,431 and my dad is a librarian, 1144 01:06:37,464 --> 01:06:40,300 but he likes to be called a media specialist. 1145 01:06:42,871 --> 01:06:44,204 I wanna kiss you again. 1146 01:06:51,946 --> 01:06:54,682 Watch your head because there's, like, a lot of books. 1147 01:06:58,853 --> 01:07:02,256 Like this, Joey. 1148 01:07:02,289 --> 01:07:03,457 All right, if you don't poop there, 1149 01:07:03,490 --> 01:07:04,993 I'm just gonna tell Mom that you pooped. 1150 01:07:05,058 --> 01:07:09,631 Oh, my God. 1151 01:07:09,664 --> 01:07:12,667 Jimbo, what's up, brother? 1152 01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:14,702 Hey, dawg. 1153 01:07:14,736 --> 01:07:17,572 You wanna come chill with us? We're gonna shoot a session. 1154 01:07:17,605 --> 01:07:20,008 You need someone to, like, hold the camera or something? 1155 01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,010 No, bro, we need to get you in a goddamn video. 1156 01:07:22,042 --> 01:07:25,178 - You're hilarious. - Uh, all right. Yeah. 1157 01:07:25,212 --> 01:07:26,346 Jim, Jim! Jim, Jim, Jim! 1158 01:07:26,380 --> 01:07:29,182 - All right. - Fuck yeah, baby! 1159 01:07:29,216 --> 01:07:32,486 - This fucking kid. - Your dog smells. 1160 01:07:44,064 --> 01:07:46,734 I hope you do die, you fucking drug addict. 1161 01:07:52,574 --> 01:07:54,107 Hey, guys. 1162 01:08:00,882 --> 01:08:02,215 I could press charges, you know? 1163 01:08:02,249 --> 01:08:03,685 For what you did to my face? 1164 01:08:03,718 --> 01:08:05,720 My mom had to put chapstick on my eyelids. 1165 01:08:05,753 --> 01:08:08,455 Okay, what the fuck is going on? 1166 01:08:08,488 --> 01:08:10,058 I feel like I'm in a fricking, like, 1167 01:08:10,090 --> 01:08:11,593 spaceship right now, right? 1168 01:08:11,626 --> 01:08:14,428 You are in a spaceship. 1169 01:08:14,461 --> 01:08:15,362 Yeah, I am! 1170 01:08:15,395 --> 01:08:17,130 I'm in a fucking spaceship, dawg! 1171 01:08:17,164 --> 01:08:19,232 - And your boy, Sid? - Yeah? 1172 01:08:19,266 --> 01:08:21,069 Dude, I've been hearing so many stories. 1173 01:08:21,101 --> 01:08:22,904 Actually, I have mad respect for the guy. 1174 01:08:22,937 --> 01:08:24,404 Dude, he's been going crazy. 1175 01:08:24,438 --> 01:08:27,374 He spiked that theater kid's makeup with Icy Hot 1176 01:08:27,407 --> 01:08:28,776 just so he could go onstage. 1177 01:08:28,810 --> 01:08:31,278 And he got Megan Waters crazy high for her debate. 1178 01:08:31,311 --> 01:08:32,780 - Megan fucking waters? - Yeah, yeah. 1179 01:08:32,814 --> 01:08:34,582 He's just trying to live it up before I X him? 1180 01:08:34,616 --> 01:08:37,250 And, dude, he's determined to get laid, too. 1181 01:08:37,284 --> 01:08:38,720 He tried sticking it to Tiff Mann. 1182 01:08:38,753 --> 01:08:41,288 - But don't worry. She said no. - Yeah? 1183 01:08:41,321 --> 01:08:42,924 Now he's trying to hit on this gamer chick. 1184 01:08:42,957 --> 01:08:44,391 He even went to church with her 1185 01:08:44,424 --> 01:08:45,994 just so that he could get in her pants 1186 01:08:46,027 --> 01:08:47,227 all before you fucking kill him. 1187 01:08:47,260 --> 01:08:49,097 Sid, that is cold, brother. 1188 01:08:49,129 --> 01:08:50,732 You're not gonna, like, hurt him or anything? 1189 01:08:50,765 --> 01:08:53,166 'Cause, like, I'm-- like, I'm down with him. 1190 01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:55,603 No, for sure. I'm not gonna hurt him. 1191 01:08:55,637 --> 01:08:57,204 - Um... - Dope. 1192 01:08:57,237 --> 01:09:00,140 'Cause I'm gonna fucking end him. 1193 01:09:00,173 --> 01:09:03,276 I'm gonna beat him so badly 1194 01:09:03,310 --> 01:09:06,948 that he's never able to feel a fucking thing ever again. 1195 01:09:06,981 --> 01:09:09,717 - Say, "Hi, Sid." - Wait, what? 1196 01:09:17,125 --> 01:09:18,926 - Hey! - Slow down! 1197 01:09:23,196 --> 01:09:24,799 Fuck off, noob. 1198 01:09:36,144 --> 01:09:38,445 What was everyone so upset about? 1199 01:09:38,478 --> 01:09:41,314 Yeah, they were part of a list. So what? 1200 01:09:41,348 --> 01:09:44,886 I still did all the things they thought were great. 1201 01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:47,855 But after the video, everything went to shit. 1202 01:09:49,489 --> 01:09:51,291 I was kicked off the ice, 1203 01:09:51,324 --> 01:09:53,561 and the rest of the guys refused to play with me. 1204 01:09:55,730 --> 01:09:59,000 Megan was put on disciplinary probation for doing drugs, 1205 01:09:59,033 --> 01:10:01,201 and then kicked off student council. 1206 01:10:01,234 --> 01:10:05,640 Candace re-pledged her eternal abstinence and dumped Dave. 1207 01:10:05,673 --> 01:10:07,675 Oh, yeah, sure... 1208 01:10:07,709 --> 01:10:10,778 Oh, and guess who decided to be sick today? 1209 01:10:20,688 --> 01:10:22,657 - Hey, man. - Dude, seriously? Go away. 1210 01:10:22,690 --> 01:10:24,291 - Sid, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Go, dude. 1211 01:10:24,324 --> 01:10:26,027 - I made a mistake. - Don't fucking touch me. 1212 01:10:26,060 --> 01:10:28,029 - Leave, man. - I made a mistake. Just hear me out. 1213 01:10:28,062 --> 01:10:29,329 Just let me talk for a little bit. 1214 01:10:29,362 --> 01:10:31,298 Do you have any idea what the fuck you've done? 1215 01:10:31,331 --> 01:10:36,671 - Sid, I do know what I did. - You have literally ruined everything. 1216 01:10:36,704 --> 01:10:41,075 All you ever wanted was for someone popular to like you, and they never will. 1217 01:10:41,109 --> 01:10:42,210 Luna, was right, Jim. 1218 01:10:42,242 --> 01:10:45,046 You are an insecure attention whore 1219 01:10:45,079 --> 01:10:46,379 who would literally sell out 1220 01:10:46,413 --> 01:10:48,649 the only real friend that you have ever had 1221 01:10:48,683 --> 01:10:51,318 for the chance at someone with more fucking followers. 1222 01:10:51,351 --> 01:10:54,689 Sid. Sid, I'm sorry, dude. 1223 01:10:54,722 --> 01:10:57,457 Sid, come on! Sid! 1224 01:11:00,828 --> 01:11:04,498 Jim is an idiot. 1225 01:11:04,532 --> 01:11:05,666 Stupid. 1226 01:11:09,570 --> 01:11:15,743 I wasn't just trying to get with you. 1227 01:11:15,777 --> 01:11:17,410 I promise. 1228 01:11:21,048 --> 01:11:22,650 God. 1229 01:11:31,559 --> 01:11:32,660 I know. 1230 01:11:49,811 --> 01:11:52,445 Aah! God! 1231 01:12:06,227 --> 01:12:08,095 This is why I have rules. 1232 01:12:08,129 --> 01:12:09,297 This is why I said to shut up 1233 01:12:09,329 --> 01:12:10,631 and to stay under the radar 1234 01:12:10,665 --> 01:12:12,600 and to not mess with the system. 1235 01:12:12,633 --> 01:12:15,136 Because when you speak up, when you care, 1236 01:12:15,169 --> 01:12:17,138 and when you stop being afraid, 1237 01:12:17,171 --> 01:12:19,941 people will hurt you. 1238 01:12:19,974 --> 01:12:21,642 They will find that thing inside of you 1239 01:12:21,676 --> 01:12:24,312 that you try so hard to guard and protect, 1240 01:12:24,344 --> 01:12:26,113 and they will poke at it and jab at it 1241 01:12:26,147 --> 01:12:30,450 until you want to just crawl into a little ball and cry, 1242 01:12:30,483 --> 01:12:33,386 and then you might as well be dead. 1243 01:12:49,837 --> 01:12:53,641 Why haven't you been answering Jim's DMs? 1244 01:12:53,674 --> 01:12:56,210 I don't really feel like talking to him right now. 1245 01:12:56,244 --> 01:12:58,512 What he did was stupid. 1246 01:12:58,546 --> 01:13:01,582 But what do you expect? It's Jim. 1247 01:13:01,616 --> 01:13:04,451 He has the emotional intelligence of a premature baby 1248 01:13:04,484 --> 01:13:07,889 and the actual intelligence of one of those baboons with the red asses. 1249 01:13:07,922 --> 01:13:09,657 Those are just baboons. 1250 01:13:09,690 --> 01:13:11,959 And they use tools, they're brilliant animals. 1251 01:13:11,993 --> 01:13:13,426 Well, Jim isn't. 1252 01:13:14,394 --> 01:13:16,063 But he's also your best friend. 1253 01:13:19,767 --> 01:13:21,302 You're coming to Homecoming tonight, right? 1254 01:13:21,335 --> 01:13:25,072 No. I don't have a date. I don't have a ride. 1255 01:13:25,106 --> 01:13:28,542 I got you a tie and boutonnière when Jim got his. 1256 01:13:28,576 --> 01:13:30,845 Fair warning, he did that dumb thing 1257 01:13:30,878 --> 01:13:33,581 where he got the pimp cane and the top hat. 1258 01:13:33,614 --> 01:13:34,481 Ugh. 1259 01:13:34,515 --> 01:13:37,551 As far as a date goes, fuck it. 1260 01:13:37,585 --> 01:13:40,021 Just show up, or you'll regret it. 1261 01:13:41,255 --> 01:13:42,556 Chuck will kill me. 1262 01:13:42,590 --> 01:13:45,793 - I blew up Chuck's car. - What? 1263 01:13:45,826 --> 01:13:47,460 Yeah. 1264 01:13:58,506 --> 01:14:00,875 Grain alcohol is surprisingly flammable. 1265 01:14:00,908 --> 01:14:03,344 Luna, that's insane. And a felony. 1266 01:14:03,377 --> 01:14:05,680 - Maybe. - It is. 1267 01:14:05,713 --> 01:14:07,715 - But do you know why I did it? - Because you're fucking nuts? 1268 01:14:07,748 --> 01:14:11,419 Because for a moment, you gave everyone hope. 1269 01:14:11,451 --> 01:14:14,255 Look at all those people whose lives you affected 1270 01:14:14,288 --> 01:14:16,057 just by being an arrogant little shit 1271 01:14:16,090 --> 01:14:19,393 by refused to play by the rules and be quiet. 1272 01:14:19,427 --> 01:14:22,863 Now everybody just thinks I was using them for some stupid bucket list. 1273 01:14:22,897 --> 01:14:26,133 But stay home and hide from Chuck? 1274 01:14:28,468 --> 01:14:29,937 You'll be showing them that they're right. 1275 01:14:33,473 --> 01:14:35,843 Well, I gotta get back before lunch is over. 1276 01:14:43,718 --> 01:14:45,152 For you. 1277 01:14:46,988 --> 01:14:49,156 Later, fuckwad. 1278 01:15:07,308 --> 01:15:10,578 - I think we have to start over. - You know how to tie a tie? 1279 01:15:10,611 --> 01:15:13,047 Can you get a YouTube video just in case? 1280 01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:16,350 Oh, did you know that this is called an oriental knot? 1281 01:15:16,384 --> 01:15:18,352 - It goes around the tree trunk. - Yeah. 1282 01:15:18,386 --> 01:15:21,155 - Did it. - Photo time. 1283 01:15:26,861 --> 01:15:28,262 Oh, man, this is my song! 1284 01:15:38,839 --> 01:15:40,674 Get up. 1285 01:15:40,708 --> 01:15:44,712 - Get up. - Nice cane. 1286 01:15:44,745 --> 01:15:48,983 - Thanks. - Look, man, I'm sorry 1287 01:15:49,016 --> 01:15:50,818 about some of that stuff that I said. 1288 01:15:50,851 --> 01:15:53,788 Yeah, you said some pretty rough stuff. 1289 01:15:53,821 --> 01:15:55,689 I do think you care a little bit too much 1290 01:15:55,723 --> 01:15:58,993 about being popular, but I get it. 1291 01:15:59,026 --> 01:16:01,395 I know how good it felt when I finally started to get some attention, 1292 01:16:01,429 --> 01:16:03,564 so I don't blame you. 1293 01:16:03,597 --> 01:16:05,699 Boner brothers? 1294 01:16:05,733 --> 01:16:09,036 I thought that was you and Dave Guggenheim's thing. 1295 01:16:09,070 --> 01:16:12,006 Come on, Jimenez. 1296 01:16:12,039 --> 01:16:13,974 You'll always be my boner brother. 1297 01:16:15,242 --> 01:16:17,078 I'm gonna go spike the punch. 1298 01:16:24,251 --> 01:16:26,555 Give him some time. 1299 01:16:26,587 --> 01:16:28,255 Jim doesn't think very fast. 1300 01:16:31,258 --> 01:16:33,227 You look nice. 1301 01:16:33,260 --> 01:16:35,396 Thanks. 1302 01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:36,931 You look beautiful. 1303 01:16:36,964 --> 01:16:38,099 I know. 1304 01:16:41,902 --> 01:16:45,940 - Um, will you give me a second? - Yeah. 1305 01:16:45,973 --> 01:16:49,578 Hey. Um, just-- 1306 01:16:49,610 --> 01:16:51,745 - Hey, please. - Sid, I don't wanna have this conversation. 1307 01:16:51,779 --> 01:16:54,549 This isn't that. It's not that conversation. 1308 01:16:54,583 --> 01:16:57,586 This isn't me saying that I made a mistake, 1309 01:16:57,618 --> 01:17:01,055 or that there was some big misunderstanding, 1310 01:17:01,088 --> 01:17:04,593 or even telling you that you're the love of my life 1311 01:17:04,625 --> 01:17:06,595 or the only one for me or anything. 1312 01:17:06,660 --> 01:17:08,462 This isn't even me trying to win you back. 1313 01:17:08,496 --> 01:17:11,665 - Okay, then what is it? - It's goodbye. 1314 01:17:13,934 --> 01:17:16,904 I just-- I wanted to say that I've had 1315 01:17:16,937 --> 01:17:19,574 a lot of bad days and a few good ones. 1316 01:17:19,608 --> 01:17:24,513 But the ones that I spent with you, Katie, were the best ones. 1317 01:17:24,546 --> 01:17:27,915 And I'm so thankful to you for that. 1318 01:18:03,250 --> 01:18:04,318 You ready? 1319 01:18:08,122 --> 01:18:09,658 I am. 1320 01:18:09,690 --> 01:18:13,528 As I walk through the valley of the shadow of high school, 1321 01:18:13,562 --> 01:18:16,997 I take with me my memories, I leave behind my regrets. 1322 01:18:17,031 --> 01:18:20,267 I have loved, lost, risen, fallen, 1323 01:18:20,301 --> 01:18:22,002 and now I face the beyond. 1324 01:18:22,036 --> 01:18:24,838 May my beatdown inspire those who still live in fear. 1325 01:18:24,872 --> 01:18:28,909 I am Sid Sandagger, and I am no longer afraid! 1326 01:18:28,943 --> 01:18:31,680 And I have lived! 1327 01:18:42,557 --> 01:18:44,593 Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. 1328 01:18:44,626 --> 01:18:46,126 - How does this shit fucking work? 1329 01:18:46,160 --> 01:18:49,730 That's definitely not how it works. 1330 01:18:49,763 --> 01:18:53,400 Hey, buddy. How you feel? 1331 01:18:54,569 --> 01:18:55,836 I'm alive? 1332 01:18:55,869 --> 01:18:57,004 Yeah, you're alive. 1333 01:18:57,037 --> 01:18:59,708 I mean, you look like a Picasso, 1334 01:18:59,740 --> 01:19:01,976 but you're alive. 1335 01:19:06,413 --> 01:19:08,382 - Oh, my God. - What? 1336 01:19:08,415 --> 01:19:10,484 What happened to your face? 1337 01:19:10,518 --> 01:19:13,555 Oh, um, I think Luna might've tagged me by accident. 1338 01:19:13,588 --> 01:19:14,922 She is so strong. 1339 01:19:14,955 --> 01:19:17,726 I think it's the low center of gravity 1340 01:19:17,758 --> 01:19:21,128 - and the rage issues. - So what happened? 1341 01:19:21,161 --> 01:19:23,831 You went unconscious pretty quickly, and then shit went down. 1342 01:19:25,799 --> 01:19:28,002 Break it up! 1343 01:19:28,035 --> 01:19:30,572 Dad, listen to me! I'm a dancer! 1344 01:19:30,605 --> 01:19:31,573 What do you mean you're a dancer? 1345 01:19:31,606 --> 01:19:32,741 Yeah! You know what else? 1346 01:19:35,109 --> 01:19:37,278 I wanna dance! 1347 01:19:37,311 --> 01:19:38,546 Somebody dance with me! 1348 01:19:38,580 --> 01:19:40,414 Now I know why pimps carry canes! 1349 01:19:45,252 --> 01:19:46,920 - Oh, fuck. - You stupid bitch. 1350 01:19:46,954 --> 01:19:50,692 - No, I thought we were bros! - Motherfucker! 1351 01:19:50,725 --> 01:19:54,328 I'll kill you, you hear me? I'll fucking kill you, bitch! 1352 01:19:55,396 --> 01:19:56,698 I hope you choke to death! 1353 01:19:56,731 --> 01:19:58,600 I'll protect you. 1354 01:19:58,633 --> 01:20:00,100 Protect yourself, bitch. 1355 01:20:00,134 --> 01:20:02,936 - Make your melon. - Yes. 1356 01:20:09,176 --> 01:20:11,646 - You fought Chuck for me? - Yeah, of course, dude. 1357 01:20:11,680 --> 01:20:14,348 You're my best friend. 1358 01:20:14,381 --> 01:20:18,018 I'm never gonna let some piece of shit beat the shit out of you. 1359 01:20:18,052 --> 01:20:22,757 - Can you walk? - Oh, fuck. 1360 01:20:22,791 --> 01:20:24,793 Dude, I haven't even tri-- oh. 1361 01:20:24,825 --> 01:20:26,628 Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I think so. 1362 01:20:26,661 --> 01:20:27,629 Fuck! 1363 01:20:29,631 --> 01:20:32,866 Well, anyway, there's some people who might wanna see you. 1364 01:20:32,900 --> 01:20:35,537 Yeah, I'm good. 1365 01:20:38,606 --> 01:20:39,808 Hey. 1366 01:20:42,476 --> 01:20:43,812 Yeah, you're definitely gonna need stitches. 1367 01:20:43,844 --> 01:20:47,348 - Ow. Oh, fuck. - Sid! Hey. 1368 01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:55,489 Sid, way to take that punch, man. 1369 01:20:55,523 --> 01:20:57,257 Oh! 1370 01:21:19,279 --> 01:21:20,682 So we're agreed on ground rules? 1371 01:21:20,715 --> 01:21:21,949 One night only, 1372 01:21:21,982 --> 01:21:23,016 and then we never breathe a word of this 1373 01:21:23,050 --> 01:21:24,619 - to anyone ever again. - Deal. 1374 01:21:24,652 --> 01:21:25,886 Like it never happened. 1375 01:21:25,919 --> 01:21:27,488 - Wanna know something? - What? 1376 01:21:27,522 --> 01:21:31,593 - I blew up Chuck's car. - God, you're fucking crazy. 1377 01:21:46,273 --> 01:21:48,075 Hey. 1378 01:21:48,108 --> 01:21:49,109 Hey. 1379 01:21:49,910 --> 01:21:53,515 How was your day? 1380 01:21:53,548 --> 01:21:54,516 Eventful. 1381 01:21:54,549 --> 01:21:57,217 Can we just start over? 1382 01:21:58,586 --> 01:22:00,755 Yeah. 1383 01:22:00,789 --> 01:22:01,989 I'm Sid. 1384 01:22:03,758 --> 01:22:04,958 I know. 1385 01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:08,530 Do you wanna dance? 1386 01:22:10,431 --> 01:22:11,398 Yeah. 1387 01:22:16,937 --> 01:22:18,740 - Oh! - What? 1388 01:22:18,773 --> 01:22:20,040 What, what? What, what, what? 1389 01:22:20,073 --> 01:22:22,009 - What, what? What? - You bit me! 1390 01:22:22,042 --> 01:22:24,646 Why is your tongue so long? Are you trying to get my throat pregnant? 1391 01:22:24,679 --> 01:22:27,080 Oh, my God. Why did I think this would be a good idea? 1392 01:22:27,114 --> 01:22:30,951 - You kiss like a succubus. - I hate you so much. 1393 01:22:33,454 --> 01:22:36,223 What, what? 1394 01:22:36,256 --> 01:22:38,158 Will you stick a finger in my butt? 1395 01:22:41,930 --> 01:22:45,299 You are so beautiful. 1396 01:22:55,643 --> 01:22:57,478 Shit, I have a boner. 1397 01:22:58,680 --> 01:23:00,615 Me too. 1398 01:26:00,427 --> 01:26:02,362 ♪ I hope you hit your back side,